He sat back benumbed for many hours watching the wicked Rustics perform. He had read about such things in the reports of the Commission, but this was the first time that he had ever really been Slumming. When he weakened on the Bumper Proposition and disavowed any familiarity with the Texas Tommy spasm or the fine points of Auction, the sophisticated ones exchanged significant Glances. They tumbled to the Fact that Elmer was not such a much, even if he did reside at Headquarters. It was evident that he had not been travelling with the Real Razmataz Rompers. He was panned to a Whisper next day. The Verdict was in. Elmer was branded a Dead One. He is now in the crowded City, trying to arrange to have his rowdy Parents come in and take the Cure. MORAL: Those having the most Time to devote to a Line of Endeavor usually become the most Proficient. THE NEW FABLE OF WHAT TRANSPIRES AFTER THE WIND-UP Once upon a time Ferdinand breathed right into Adele's translucent Listener those three Words which hold all Records as monosyllabic Trouble-Makers. They have a harmless look on the Printed Page, but when pulled at the Psychological turn of the Road, they become the Funeral Knell of Bachelor Freedom and a Prelude to cutting the String on whatever has been put by. The Serpent, operating in the guise of a Lover in a Serge Suit, had lured, cajoled, wheedled, and finessed until the poor trembling Child, only twenty-four years of Age, was alone with him in what the Landscaper had worked off on her Papa as a Formal Garden. They stood clinched there in the dull Sunset Glow, with a Pergola for a Background. It was all very Belasco and in strict compliance with the League Rules laid down by W. Somerset Maugham. According to the $2 Drama and every bright red Volume selling for $1.18 at a Department Store, this was THE END The Curtain began to descend very slowly, with Ferdinand and Adele holding the Picture. It seems, however, that they had not come to the real, sure-enough Finis. The Terminus was some distance down the Line. The Curtain refused to fall. "What is the idea?" asked Adele, somewhat perturbed. "We have hit the logical Climax of our Romance. As I understand it, we are now supposed to ascend in a Cloud and float through Ethereal Bliss for an indefinite Period." "Right-o!" said the Fiance. "According to all the approved Dope, we are booked to live happily ever after." Just then Her Best Friend came rapidly down the Gravel Walk with Anxiety stenciled on her Features. The accepted Swain seemed to hear a low rumbling Wagnerian Effect from out the Clear Sky. In Music-Drama it is known as the Hammer Theme. It is included in the Curriculum at every Fem Sem. Ferdinand had a Hunch that somebody was getting ready to drop Cyanide of Potassium into his Cup of Joy. "Oh, Adele!" said the Friend, just like that. "Oh, Adele, may I speak to you for a Mo-munt?"