One visit to Niagara Falls and a glorious week of Saengerfest at
Cincinnati had simply whetted her desire to take Edwin by the hand and
beat it all the way around the Globe, via Singapore. To prepare
herself for the Grand Tour, she took 12 lessons in French and read up
on the Taj Mahal.
She had to wait patiently until Edwin was threatened with a Nervous
Break-Down. At last the Happy Day arrived when the Specialist told him
he must make his choice between a long Sea Voyage and a slow ride to
the Family Lot.
Selena used Hydraulic Pressure in packing her Wardrobe Trunks. She
took all her circus Duds and a slew of Hats so that she could make the
proper Front, while being entertained Abroad.
Edwin had secured a Passport which identified him as a male white
Person, entitled to all the Courtesies and Privileges usually extended
to an American Citizen holding a Passport.
They were on the verge of the Jumps when they boarded the Train, but
they hoped to Relax and get a lot of Sleep on the Ocean Greyhound.
A few days later they were curled up in a Cabin de Luxe about the size
of a Telephone Booth, waiting for the Ocean Greyhound to recover from
an attack of Hydrophobia.
When they tottered down the Gang-Plank, after six days on the playful
North Atlantic, their only Comfort was derived from the knowledge that,
as soon as they had rested up, they could write home and quote the
Second Officer as saying it was the roughest Passage he had ever Known.
After spending a few days in London trying to get warm, they moved on
to Paris, which they remembered long afterward on account of Napoleon's
Tomb and the price of Strawberries.
Selena pulled her tall-grass French on a Hackman, but there was nothing
doing. He had taken it from a different Teacher.
So they employed a Guide who knew all the Shops. If Selena happened to
admire a Trinket or some outre Confection with Lace slathered on it, a
perfumed Apache in a Frock Coat would take Edwin into a side room, give
him the sleeve across the Wind-Pipe, and bite a piece out of his Letter
of Credit.
Edwin did a little quick work with the Pencil and said they could
either hurry on or else hie back to the Home Town and begin Life all
over again.
Three weeks after saying good-bye to Griddle Cakes they were in Naples,
which they had seen pictured on so many Calendars.
Looking back across the Centuries they recalled the Clerks standing in
the Doorways and the friends of the Progressive Euchre Club. It was
sweet to remember that the world was not made up entirely of cadging
Head Waiters.
Once in a while they would venture from the Hotel to run footraces with
the yelping Lazzaroni or try to look at Vesuve without paying seven or
eight members of the Camorra for the Privilege.
After being chased back into the Hotel, they would sit down and address
Post-Cards by the Hour, telling how much they were enjoying the stay in
Napoli, home of Song and Laughter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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