He was re-fined and had lovely Teeth, but those who knew him well believed the Story that when he was a Babe in Arms, the Nurse had let him fall and strike on the Head. He wore his Hair straight back and used Patent Leather dressing. He was full of Swank and put on much Side and wore lily-colored Spats and was an awful Thing all around, from Pa's point of view. In a crowd of Bank Directors he would have been a cheap Swivel, but among the Women Folks he was a regular Bright Eyes. When you passed through the Archway of his Intellectual Domain you found yourself in the Next Block. But--he could go into a Parlor and sprinkle Soothing Syrup all over the Rugs. He had a Vaudeville Education and a small Tenor Voice, with the result that many a fluttering Birdie regarded him as the bona-fide Ketchup. Bernice thought she was lucky to have snared him away from the others, and she had slipped him the whispered Promise, come Weal, come Woe. She had no Mother to guide her, and it looked as if the Family was about to have a Bermuda wished on to it. No wonder Father was stepping sideways. He would come home in the evening and find the Mush perched on a Throne in the Spot Light, shooting an azure-blue Line of desiccated Drool, with Bernice sitting out in front and Encoring. Then he would retire to the back part of the House to bark at the Butler and act as if he had been eating Red Meat. He knew that if he elbowed in and tried to break up the Clinch, it would mean a Rope Ladder, a piece in the Papers, and a final Reconciliation, with Parent playing the usual role of Goat. He was resolved not to put in the remainder of his Days being panhandled by a Souffle who wore Dancing Pumps in the Daytime. The problem was to get shut of the Rodent without resorting to any Rough Stuff. Father never had heard tell of the Perils of Propinquity, and he thought Psychology had something to do with Fish. Just the same, he remembered about a Quail a day for 30 days, and he knew that the most agreeable Perfumery would not smell right if applied with a Garden Hose. Likewise, he suspected that many a Quarter-House would blow, if put into a two-mile Handicap. So he blocked out a Program which proved that Solomon had nothing on him. Instead of grilling young Kenneth and holding him up to Contumely and forbidding him the use of Cozy Corner, he started in to boost the Love Match. Kenneth all but moved in his Trunk. Father had a chance to weigh him, down to the last Ounce, and study the simple Mechanism of his transparent Personality. Father classified the would-be Child-in-Law as a Gobbie, which means a Home-Wrecker who is still learning his Trade. The Candidate became a regular Boarder. Kenneth would sit right up close to old Cash-in-Hand, who would egg him on to tell Dialect Stories and, after that, show how to make a Salad. The Stories were some that Marshall Wilder stopped using in 1882 and since then have been outlawed on the Kerosene Circuit.