'When this letter reaches you, I shall be no more; and however
I may hitherto have offended you, I shall then be able to
offend you no longer; and that child, whom you bound yourself
by oath never to see or forgive but on the most cruel of
conditions while living, dead you may perhaps deign to receive
to your pardon and your love.--Nay, my heart tells me that you
will do more,--that you will transfer the love which you once
felt for me, to my poor helpless orphan; and in full confidence
that you will be this indulgent, I bequeath her to you with my
dying breath.--O! look on her, my mother, nor shrink from her
with disgust, although you see in her my features; but rather
rejoice in the resemblance, and fancy that I am restored to you
pure, happy, and beloved as I once was.--Yes, yes,--it will be
so: I have known a great deal of sorrow--let me then indulge
the little ray of pleasure that breaks in upon me when I think
that you will not resist my dying prayer, but bestow on my
child the long arrears of tenderness due to me.
'Yes, yes, you will receive, you will be kind to her; and by so
doing you will make me ample amends for all the sorrow which
your harshness caused me when we met last.--That was a dreadful
day! How you frowned on me! I did not think you could have
frowned so dreadfully--but then I was uninjured by affliction,
unaltered by illness. Were you to see me now, you would not
have the heart to frown on me: and yet my letters being
repeatedly returned, and even the last unnoticed and unanswered,
though it told you that even on your own conditions I could now
claim your pardon, for that I had been "wretched in love," and
had experienced "the anguish of being forsaken, despised, and
disgraced in the eye of the world," proves but too surely that
the bitterness of resentment is not yet passed!--But on my
_death-bed_ you promised to see and forgive me--_and I am there,
my mother_!! Yet will I not claim that promise;--I will not
weaken, by directing it towards myself, the burst of sorrow,
of too late regret, of self-upbraidings, and long-restrained
affection, which must be directed towards my child when I am
not alive to profit by it. No:--though I would give worlds to
embrace you once more, for the sake of my child I resign the
gratification.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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