Soon the strange, and delightful sensation of vacuum I had in my chest,
extended, and reached my limbs, which in their turn became light, light
as though flesh and bone had melted away and skin only remained; just
enough skin to permit of my feeling the sweetness of life, and enjoy my
repose. Now I found that I no longer suffered. Pain had disappeared,
melted, vanished into air. And I heard voices, four voices, two
dialogues, without understanding the words. At times they were but
indistinct sounds, at other times a word or two reached me. But I soon
recognized that these were but the accentuated buzzing of my own ears.
I was not sleeping, I was awake, I understood, I felt, I reasoned with
a clearness, a penetration and power which were quite extraordinary;
and a joyousness of spirit, a strange intoxication, produced by the
tenfold increase of my mental faculties.
It was not a dream like that created by haschich, nor the sickly
visions produced by opium; it was a prodigious keenness of reasoning, a
new manner of seeing, of judging, of estimating things and life, with
the absolute consciousness, the certitude that this manner was the true
one.
And the old simile of the Scriptures, suddenly came back to my mind. It
seemed to me that I had tasted of the tree of life, that all mystery
was unveiled, so strongly did I feel the power of this new, strange,
and irrefutable logic. And numberless arguments, reasonings, proofs,
rose up in my mind, to be, however, immediately upset, by some proof,
some reasoning, some argument yet more powerful. My brain had become a
battle-field of ideas. I was a superior being, armed with an invincible
intelligence, and I enjoyed prodigious happiness in the sensation of
my power.
This state lasted a long, long time. I still inhaled the fumes of my
ether bottle. Suddenly, I perceived that it was empty. And I again
began to suffer.
For ten hours I endured this torture for which there is no remedy, then
I fell asleep, and the next day, brisk as after convalescence, having
written these few pages I left for Saint-Raphaël.
SAINT-RAPHAËL, _April 11th_.
On our way here the weather was delightful, and a light breeze carried
us over in six tacks. After rounding the Drammont, I caught sight of
the villas of Saint-Raphaël hidden amongst the pine-trees, among the
little slender pines beaten all the year round, by the everlasting
gusts of wind from Fréjus. Then I passed between the Lions, pretty red
rocks that seemed to guard the town, and I entered the port, which,
choked up with sand at the further end, obliges one to remain some
fifty yards off the quay. I then went on land.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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