foot with the use of the hypodermic needle. After this I was reckless
and careless as to my own life and I never knew, when the sun rose,
whether I would live to see it set. I became wholly indifferent as to
the consequences of my life, careless and reckless as to my actions.
Then came an imprisonment, out of which I came back into the world a
wreck. I made a desperate effort and managed to rehabilitate myself and
once more held a good position in life, but unable to break from the
bondage of the evil habit that behind everything held me in thralldom,
I was once more dragged down and was led to commit deed after deed that
I otherwise should have scorned. I have used as many as sixty grains of
morphine and thirty grains of cocaine, during these miserable days of
slavery.
Then came my last two years of imprisonment. I was looked upon as a
hard and desperate man in the prison, one who could not be reached or
influenced in any way. One day I was sent for to the front office of
the prison. The messenger said, 'A lady wants to see you.' 'Not me,' I
replied, 'no one wants to see me; it is a mistake.' But it was not. To
my surprise I found Mrs. McAlpin had sent for me. 'Twas almost a shock
for I had no visitors and it was long since I had talked to a lady.
Then came a never-to-be-forgotten meeting in the chapel, when the words
spoken thrilled in my heart; I felt for once that I was compelled to
stop and think. I had made many plans of what my future was to be, but
they were plans of evil design. I had decided that my apprenticeship
was served, that I ought to be able to do a master's work so I had
determined never to stand for an arrest again. But I deliberately
planned a coup that if successful would place me beyond the necessity
for such things and if a failure, I had determined never to be taken
alive. Then the Little Mother came and spoilt all my plans; as I heard
her talk, I felt she was putting me out of business; she was putting
me in the wrong. Shortly after this I was removed to a new cell and on
a shelf in the corner I came upon a piece of paper; it was a partly
torn piece of the _Volunteers' Gazette_ smeared with whitewash. It had
evidently been pasted on a cell wall once, but had become detached and
had been thrown up upon the shelf and there had been overlooked. It was
difficult to decipher, but with care I made out these words that I have
never forgotten. They were in an old message from the pen of our Leader
to her 'boys.' 'If I can afford to face difficulties and yet go on with
a faith that wavers not, you can also. So let us look up and hope,
taking a firm hold of the strong arm of God and looking for courage to
the stars of eternal promise that shine on above the clouds and mists
of earth.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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