And Uncle Jake he fetched the feller's coffee back, and stood As solemn, fer a minute, as a' undertaker would; Then he sorto' turned and tiptoed to'rds the kitchen door-- and nex', Here comes his old wife out with him, a-rubbin' of her specs-- And she rushes fer the stranger, and she hollers out, "It's him--! Thank God we've met him comin'--! Don't you know, yer mother, Jim?" And the feller, as he grabbed her, says--, "You bet I hain't forgot-- But," wipin' of his eyes, says he, "yer coffee's mighty hot!" _The Train Misser_ At Union Station 'Ll where in the world my eyes has bin-- Ef I hain't missed that train ag'in! Chuff! And whistle! And toot! And ring! But blast and blister the dasted train--! How it does it I can't explain! Git here thirty-five minutes before The durn things due--! And, drat the thing It'll manage to git past-shore! The more I travel around, the more I got no sense--! To stand right here And let it beat me! 'Ll ding my melts! I got no gumption, ner nothin' else! Ticket Agent's a dad-burned bore--! Sell you a tickets all they keer--! Ticket Agents ort to all be Prosecuted-- and that's jes what--! How'd I know which train's fer me? And how'd I know which train was not--? Goern and comin' and gone astray, And backin' and switchin' ever'-which-way! Ef I could jes sneak round behind Myse'f, where I could git full swing, I'd lift my coat, and kick, by jing! Till I jes got jerked up and fined--! Fer here I stood, as a durn fool's apt To, and let that train jes chuff and choo Right apast me-- and mouth jes gapped Like a blamed old sandwitch warped in two! _Granny_ Granny's come to our house, And ho! My lawzy-daisy! All the childern round the place Is ist a-runnin' crazy! Fetched a cake fer little Jake, And fetched a pie fer Nanny, And fetched a pear fer all the pack That runs to kiss their Granny! Lucy Ellen's in her lap, And Wade and Silas Walker Both's a ridin' on her foot, And 'Pollos on the rocker; And Marthy's twins, from Aunt Marinn's And little Orphant Annie, All's a-eatin' gingerbread And giggle-un at Granny! Tells us all the fairy tales Ever thought er wundered-- And 'bundance o' other stories-- Bet she knows a hunderd--! Bob's the one fer "Whittington," And "Golden Locks" fer Fanny! Hear 'em laugh and clap their hands, Listenin' at Granny! "Jack the Giant-Killer" 's good; And "Bean-Stalk" 's another--! So's the one of "Cinderell'" And her old godmother--; That-un's best of all the rest-- Bestest one of any--, Where the mices scampers home Like we runs to Granny! Granny's come to our house, Ho! My lawzy-daisy! All the childern round the place Is ist a runnin' crazy! Fetched a cake fer little Jake, And fetched a pie fer Nanny, And fetched a pear fer all the pack That runs to kiss their Granny! _Old October_