Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
The morrow came. What a fever of anxiety and expectation I was in from
breakfast till noon—at which time he made his appearance! Having
introduced him to my mother, I took my work to the window, and sat down
to await the result of the interview. They got on extremely well
together—greatly to my satisfaction, for I had felt very anxious about
what my mother would think of him. He did not stay long that time: but
when he rose to take leave, she said she should be happy to see him,
whenever he might find it convenient to call again; and when he was
gone, I was gratified by hearing her say,—“Well! I think he’s a very
sensible man. But why did you sit back there, Agnes,” she added, “and
talk so little?”
“Because you talked so well, mamma, I thought you required no
assistance from me: and, besides, he was your visitor, not mine.”
After that, he often called upon us—several times in the course of a
week. He generally addressed most of his conversation to my mother: and
no wonder, for she could converse. I almost envied the unfettered,
vigorous fluency of her discourse, and the strong sense evinced by
everything she said—and yet, I did not; for, though I occasionally
regretted my own deficiencies for his sake, it gave me very great
pleasure to sit and hear the two beings I loved and honoured above
every one else in the world, discoursing together so amicably, so
wisely, and so well. I was not always silent, however; nor was I at all
neglected. I was quite as much noticed as I would wish to be: there was
no lack of kind words and kinder looks, no end of delicate attentions,
too fine and subtle to be grasped by words, and therefore
indescribable—but deeply felt at heart.
Ceremony was quickly dropped between us: Mr. Weston came as an expected
guest, welcome at all times, and never deranging the economy of our
household affairs. He even called me “Agnes:” the name had been timidly
spoken at first, but, finding it gave no offence in any quarter, he
seemed greatly to prefer that appellation to “Miss Grey;” and so did I.
How tedious and gloomy were those days in which he did not come! And
yet not miserable; for I had still the remembrance of the last visit
and the hope of the next to cheer me. But when two or three days passed
without my seeing him, I certainly felt very anxious—absurdly,
unreasonably so; for, of course, he had his own business and the
affairs of his parish to attend to. And I dreaded the close of the
holidays, when _my_ business also would begin, and I should be
sometimes unable to see him, and sometimes—when my mother was in the
schoolroom—obliged to be with him alone: a position I did not at all
desire, in the house; though to meet him out of doors, and walk beside
him, had proved by no means disagreeable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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