Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
“I _won’t_ bear with you, if I can alter you,” replied my mother: but
the harshness of her words was undone by the earnest affection of her
tone and pleasant smile, that made my father smile again, less sadly
and less transiently than was his wont.
“Mamma,” said I, as soon as I could find an opportunity of speaking
with her alone, “my money is but little, and cannot last long; if I
could increase it, it would lessen papa’s anxiety, on one subject at
least. I cannot draw like Mary, and so the best thing I could do would
be to look out for another situation.”
“And so you would actually try again, Agnes?”
“Decidedly, I would.”
“Why, my dear, I should have thought you had had enough of it.”
“I know,” said I, “everybody is not like Mr. and Mrs. Bloomfield—”
“Some are worse,” interrupted my mother.
“But not many, I think,” replied I, “and I’m sure all children are not
like theirs; for I and Mary were not: we always did as you bid us,
didn’t we?”
“Generally: but then, I did not spoil you; and you were not perfect
angels after all: Mary had a fund of quiet obstinacy, and you were
somewhat faulty in regard to temper; but you were very good children on
the whole.”
“I know I was sulky sometimes, and I should have been glad to see these
children sulky sometimes too; for then I could have understood them:
but they never were, for they _could_ not be offended, nor hurt, nor
ashamed: they could not be unhappy in any way, except when they were in
a passion.”
“Well, if they _could_ not, it was not their fault: you cannot expect
stone to be as pliable as clay.”
“No, but still it is very unpleasant to live with such unimpressible,
incomprehensible creatures. You cannot love them; and if you could,
your love would be utterly thrown away: they could neither return it,
nor value, nor understand it. But, however, even if I should stumble on
such a family again, which is quite unlikely, I have all this
experience to begin with, and I should manage better another time; and
the end and aim of this preamble is, let me try again.”
“Well, my girl, you are not easily discouraged, I see: I am glad of
that. But, let me tell you, you are a good deal paler and thinner than
when you first left home; and we cannot have you undermining your
health to hoard up money either for yourself or others.”
“Mary tells me I am changed too; and I don’t much wonder at it, for I
was in a constant state of agitation and anxiety all day long: but next
time I am determined to take things coolly.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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