Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
What happy hours Mary and I have passed while sitting at our work by
the fire, or wandering on the heath-clad hills, or idling under the
weeping birch (the only considerable tree in the garden), talking of
future happiness to ourselves and our parents, of what we would do, and
see, and possess; with no firmer foundation for our goodly
superstructure than the riches that were expected to flow in upon us
from the success of the worthy merchant’s speculations. Our father was
nearly as bad as ourselves; only that he affected not to be so much in
earnest: expressing his bright hopes and sanguine expectations in jests
and playful sallies, that always struck me as being exceedingly witty
and pleasant. Our mother laughed with delight to see him so hopeful and
happy: but still she feared he was setting his heart too much upon the
matter; and once I heard her whisper as she left the room, “God grant
he be not disappointed! I know not how he would bear it.”
Disappointed he was; and bitterly, too. It came like a thunder-clap on
us all, that the vessel which contained our fortune had been wrecked,
and gone to the bottom with all its stores, together with several of
the crew, and the unfortunate merchant himself. I was grieved for him;
I was grieved for the overthrow of all our air-built castles: but, with
the elasticity of youth, I soon recovered the shock.
Though riches had charms, poverty had no terrors for an inexperienced
girl like me. Indeed, to say the truth, there was something
exhilarating in the idea of being driven to straits, and thrown upon
our own resources. I only wished papa, mamma, and Mary were all of the
same mind as myself; and then, instead of lamenting past calamities we
might all cheerfully set to work to remedy them; and the greater the
difficulties, the harder our present privations, the greater should be
our cheerfulness to endure the latter, and our vigour to contend
against the former.
Mary did not lament, but she brooded continually over the misfortune,
and sank into a state of dejection from which no effort of mine could
rouse her. I could not possibly bring her to regard the matter on its
bright side as I did: and indeed I was so fearful of being charged with
childish frivolity, or stupid insensibility, that I carefully kept most
of my bright ideas and cheering notions to myself; well knowing they
could not be appreciated.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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