Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
“‘Then let me beg it as a favour,’ he replied, lowering his voice at
once, and taking a humbler tone: ‘let me entreat that you will not
mention this affair to anyone whatever. If you will keep silence about
it, there need be no unpleasantness on either side—nothing, I mean,
beyond what is quite unavoidable: for my own feelings I will endeavour
to keep to myself, if I cannot annihilate them—I will try to forgive,
if I cannot forget the cause of my sufferings. I will not suppose, Miss
Murray, that you know how deeply you have injured me. I would not have
you aware of it; but if, in addition to the injury you have already
done me—pardon me, but, whether innocently or not, you _have_ done
it—and if you add to it by giving publicity to this unfortunate affair,
or naming it _at all_, you will find that I too can speak, and though
you scorned my love, you will hardly scorn my—’
“He stopped, but he bit his bloodless lip, and looked so terribly
fierce that I was quite frightened. However, my pride upheld me still,
and I answered disdainfully; ‘I do not know what motive you suppose I
could have for naming it to anyone, Mr. Hatfield; but if I were
disposed to do so, you would not deter me by threats; and it is
scarcely the part of a gentleman to attempt it.’
“‘Pardon me, Miss Murray,’ said he, ‘I have loved you so intensely—I do
still adore you so deeply, that I would not willingly offend you; but
though I never have loved, and never _can_ love any woman as I have
loved you, it is equally certain that I never was so ill-treated by
any. On the contrary, I have always found your sex the kindest and most
tender and obliging of God’s creation, till now.’ (Think of the
conceited fellow saying that!) ‘And the novelty and harshness of the
lesson you have taught me to-day, and the bitterness of being
disappointed in the only quarter on which the happiness of my life
depended, must excuse any appearance of asperity. If my presence is
disagreeable to you, Miss Murray,’ he said (for I was looking about me
to show how little I cared for him, so he thought I was tired of him, I
suppose)—‘if my presence is disagreeable to you, Miss Murray, you have
only to promise me the favour I named, and I will relieve you at once.
There are many ladies—some even in this parish—who would be delighted
to accept what you have so scornfully trampled under your feet. They
would be naturally inclined to hate one whose surpassing loveliness has
so completely estranged my heart from them and blinded me to their
attractions; and a single hint of the truth from me to one of these
would be sufficient to raise such a talk against you as would seriously
injure your prospects, and diminish your chance of success with any
other gentleman you or your mamma might design to entangle.’
“‘What do your mean, sir?’ said I, ready to stamp with passion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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