He carried the thought home with him, but laid it aside when he entered
the clergy house, dark and stony and cheerless at such an hour. Alban
was just halfway down the Strand by that time and debating whether he
should sleep in the "caves," as he called those wonderful subterranean
passages under Pall Mall and the Haymarket, or chance the climate upon a
bench in Hyde Park. A chilly night of April drove him to the former
resolution and he passed on quickly; by the theatres now empty of their
audiences; through Trafalgar Square, where the clubs and the hotels were
still brilliantly lighted; up dark Cockspur Street; through St. James'
Square; and so to an abrupt halt at the door of a great house, open to
the night and dismissing its guests.
Alban despised himself for doing it, but he could never resist the
temptation of staring through the windows of any mansion where a party
happened to be held. The light and life of it all made a sure appeal to
him. He could criticise the figures of beautiful women and remain
ignorant of the impassable abyss between their sphere and his own.
Sometimes, he would try to study the faces thus revealed to him, as in
the focus of a vision, and to say, "That woman is utterly vain," or
again, "There is a doll who has not the sense of an East End flower
girl." In a way he despised their ignorance of life and its terrible
comedies and tragedies. Little Lois Boriskoff, he thought, must know
more of human nature than any woman in those assemblies where, as the
half-penny papers told him, cards and horses and motor-cars were the
subjects chiefly talked about. It delighted him to imagine the abduction
of one of these society beauties and her forcible detention for a month
in Thrawl Street. How she would shudder and fear it all--and yet what
human lessons might not she carry back with her. Let them show him a
woman who could face such an ordeal unflinchingly and he would fall in
love with her himself. The impertinence of his idea never once dawned
upon him. He knew that his father's people had been formerly well-to-do
and that his mother had often talked of birth and family. "I may be
better than some of them after all," he reflected; and this was his
armor against humiliation. What did money matter? The fine idealist of
twenty, with a few coppers in his pocket, declared stoically that money
was really of no consequence at all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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