Burgoyne holds the paper in his fingers, but for a moment or two he is
unable to read it. There is an ugly swimming before his eyes for one
thing; for another, Byng's treatment has not improved it as a specimen
of caligraphy; but it never in its best days could have been a very
legible document. And yet it is not long. Its few words, when at length
he makes them out, ran thus:
"_Good-bye, I was mad yesterday. I shall never marry you; I
have no right to marry anyone. For God's sake do not ask me
what I mean; and oh! don't, don't, DON'T come after me!_"
There is neither date nor signature. As Jim stands staring at the five
crooked, straggling sentences, a great swelling compassion fills his
heart. Did ever poor little scribble make it so easy to construct the
small shaking hand, and the tender breaking heart that penned it? An
immense pity fills his soul; yet does it quite fill it? Is there room
besides, in one corner, for a small pinch of devilish joy?
"There's many a slip
'Twixt the cup and the lip."
His own words of ill-natured croaking, uttered not an hour ago, to
Cecilia Wilson, recur to his mind. How little he thought that that
prophecy would so soon be fulfilled! He remains so long motionless and
silent, his fingers still holding the paper, whose contents he has long
ago mastered, that Byng--the violence of his paroxysm of grief at length
exhausted--struggles to his feet and speaks--speaks as well as the catch
in his sobbing breath and his quivering lips will let him.
"It is not her doing! You may think it is her doing, but I know it is
not! I know her better than you do."
"I never made any pretensions to knowing her well," replies the other
sadly, and relinquishing as he speaks the note to its owner.
"Is it likely, I ask you?" cries Byng excitedly. "I put it to you
fairly: is it likely that she, with her seraph nature, all love and
burning, she that is tender over drowning flies, would have put me to
this horrible pain?--O God, you do not know what pain it is" ["Do not
I?" aside]--"of her own free will?"
"I do not know; as you say, I do not know her well."
"'Then tell, oh tell! how thou didst murder me?'"
says Byng, beginning to walk up and down the room with the tears still
rolling down his cheeks, but in his spouting voice--a voice which at
once assures Jim of an amelioration in his friend's condition, and
hardens his heart against him. As a broad rule, indeed, it may be laid
down that that sorrow which courses through one of the numberless
channels cut by the poets for it will not bring its owner to Waterloo
Bridge.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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