"You must not mind, you know it is all nonsense. She talks very
differently when she is well."
The Wilson family have never hitherto shown any very marked affection
for Burgoyne, but now it seems as if they could hardly bear him out of
their sight. They cling to him, not because he is _he_--Jim makes
himself no illusion on that head--but because they have got into such a
habit of leaning, that it is no longer possible to them to stand
upright. He had never realized till now how helpless they are. He had
known that Amelia was the pivot upon which the whole family turned; but
he had not brought home to himself how utterly the machine fell to
pieces when that pivot was withdrawn.
In the course of the past week each member of the family has confided to
him separately how far more she or he misses Amelia, than can be
possible to either of the others. Upon this head Sybilla's lamentations
are the loudest and most frequent. She had at first refused to admit
that there was anything at all the matter with her sister, but has now
fallen into the no less trying opposite extreme of refusing to allow
that there is any possibility of her recovery, talking of her as if she
were almost beyond the reach of human aid. Sybilla's grief for her
sister is perfectly genuine; none the less so that it is complicated by
irritation at her own deposition from her post of first invalid, at
having been compelled to confess the existence in the bosom of her own
family of a traitor, with an indisputably higher temperature and more
wavering pulse than she.
"It is ridiculous to suppose that a person in such rude health as
Cecilia _can_ miss her as I do," she says querulously; "I was always her
first object, she always knew by instinct when I was more suffering than
usual; who cares now"--breaking into a deluge of self-compassionating
tears--"whether I am suffering or not?"
Then, when next he happens to be alone with Cecilia, it is her turn to
assert a superiority of woe; a superiority claimed with still more
emphasis the next half hour by the father. With a patience which would
have surprised those persons who had seen him only in his former
relations with the family of his betrothed he tries to soothe the sorrow
of each--even that of Sybilla--in turn; but to his own heart he says
that not one of their griefs is worthy to be weighed in the balance with
his. In the case of none of theirs is the woof crossed by the hideous
warp of self-reproach that is woven inextricably into his. They have
worked her to death, they have torn her to pieces by their conflicting
claims; their love has been exacting, selfish, inconsiderate; but at
least it has been love; they have prized her at almost her full worth
while they had her. For him it has been reserved as for the base Indian,
to
"Throw a pearl away
Richer than all his tribe."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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