"If you will never be better off"--this time she finishes her sentence;
but it is rendered almost inaudible by the fact of her flushed face and
quivering lips being pressed against his breast--"why should we wait any
longer?"
_Why should we wait any longer?_ To most persons, granted the usual
condition of feeling of a betrothed couple, this would seem a very
natural and legitimate deduction from the premises; but, strange to say,
it comes upon Burgoyne with the shock of a surprise. He has been
thinking vaguely of his change of fortune as a cause for unlimited
delay, perhaps for the rupture of his engagement, never as a reason for
its immediate fulfilment.
He gives a sort of breathless gasp, which is happily too low for Amelia
with her still hidden face to hear. To be married at once! To sit down
for all time to Amelia and £800 a year! To forego for ever the thrilling
wandering life; the nights under the northern stars, the stealthy
tracking of shy forest creatures; the scarce coarse delicious food, the
cold, the fatigue, the hourly peril, that, since its probable loss is
ever in sight, make life so sweetly worth having--all, in short, that
goes to make up so many an Englishman's ideal of felicity; that has
certainly hitherto gone to make up Jim's. To renounce it all! There is
no doubt that the bitterness of this thought comes first; but presently,
supplanting it, chasing it away, there follows another, a
self-reproachful light flashing over his past eight years, showing him
his own selfishness colossal and complete for the first time. In a
paroxysm of remorse, he has lifted Amelia's face, and, framing it with
his hands, looks searchingly into it.
"I believe," he says in a shaken voice, "that you would have married me
eight years ago, on my pittance, if I had asked you!"
No "Yes" was ever written in larger print than that which he read in her
patient pale eyes. Even at this instant there darts across him a wish
that they were not quite so pale, but he detests himself for it.
"And I never suspected it!" he cries compunctiously. "I give you my word
of honour, I never suspected it! I thought you looked upon my poverty in
as prohibitory a light as I did myself."
"I do not call it such great poverty," replies Amelia, her practical
mind resuming its habitual sway over her emotions. "Of course, it is an
income that would require a little management; but if we cut our coat
according to our cloth, and did not want to move about too much, we
might live either in a not very fashionable part of London, or in some
cheap district in the country very comfortably."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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