Fantasy fiction; Humorous stories; Jinn -- Fiction; Soldiers -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
The afternoon was pleasantly mild, and for the first time the air
seemed to contain a hint of Spring. Instead of retiring underground
they sat in the entrance of their new home quietly smoking. As soon
as their pipes were well alight, Alf broached the subject which was
weighing so heavily on his mind.
"Bill," he asked. "D'yer believe in spirits?"
"Prefer beer."
"Not them sort o' spirits, I don't mean. I mean spooks. D'yer believe
in spooks, Bill?"
"People what sees spooks," said Bill dogmatically, "is liars, or
boozed."
Grant's attitude was unpromising, but Alf was determined to persevere.
"What would yer say if I told yer I'd seen a spook, Bill?" he demanded.
"I'd say you'd 'ad a drop too much," was the uncompromising reply.
"An' if I saw it when I 'adn't 'ad a drop at all?"
Bill turned and regarded him.
"Look 'ere, Alf 'Iggins," he remarked acidly. "Yer worse'n a bloomin'
kid f'r asking yer blighted silly questions. If you got anything to
say, for 'Eaven's sake spit it out an' 'ave done with it."
Thus adjured, Alf plunged into his story, omitting only his adventure
with the aeroplanes, which he considered would be safer hidden even
from Bill.
That gentleman heard him to the end without comment.
"I b'lieve it's up to me to take yer to the M.O.," he said at last
seriously.
Alf was annoyed.
"Don't be a idjit. This is a _real_ spook, I tell yer!"
"Garn! You bin sleepin' on yer back an' dreamt it all. Why, this 'ere
Aladdin you talk about--there never was no sich feller. 'E's just a
bloke in a fairy story."
"Dreamt it!" repeated Alf indignantly. "Dream be blowed. I couldn't
dream meself pink all over, could I?"
"No, but you could catch scarlet fever an' 'ave delirious trimmings
on top of it," said Bill caustically. "But you can't make me see this
blessed spook o' yours, any'ow."
This was a direct challenge, and Alf rubbed his Button. Bill's tin hat
fell off.
"Lor'!" he said, sitting up straight.
"What wouldst thou have?" enquired Eustace. "I am ready to obey thee as
thy slave...."
"'Op it," replied Alf feebly. He had forgotten to think out any excuse
for summoning the djinn, and could think of nothing else to say.
Eustace, his opinion of Alf obviously lower than ever, disappeared.
"Lumme!" said Bill. He smoked in silence for some minutes, deep in
thought.
"Where the 'ell does 'e come from, and what does 'e do?" he asked at
length.
"'Oo?"
"That spook, o' course."
"I dunno. I rubs me Button, an' 'e bounces in an' asks for orders. 'Alf
the time I don't want 'im at all. An' if I do tell 'im to do things, 'e
gets 'em all wrong. 'E don't seem to lave no common sense, some'ow."
Bill was following out some train of thought.
"Look 'ere, Alf," he said. "What can you remember about this feller
Aladdin? What 'appened to 'im in the panto?"
Alf considered.
"There was a bloke sang something about a rose growin' in a garden.
Pathetic it was," he announced after deep thought.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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