As soon as the midday meal was done the two men sought their private retreat. They lit their pipes and smoked for some time in a silence, broken at last by a heavy sigh from Alf. "What's up with yer?" demanded Bill suddenly. "Is it yer stummick?" "I'm all right," answered Alf in a voice of hopeless dejection. There was another long silence, once more terminating in a sigh. "Look 'ere," said Bill, getting up in disgust, "if you feel as bad as all that, for 'eving's sake 'ave a good cry and get it over, an' let's 'ave the old 'ome 'appy once again. What the 'ell's up?" Alf did not answer this question, except by asking another. "Bill," he asked with a forced lightness of tone which quite failed to conceal the earnestness it covered. "What did yer think of Eustace's taste in females?" Bill turned and looked at him with a suddenly comprehending eye. Alf wriggled uneasily under his gaze. "So that's it, is it?" commented Bill. "Poor old Alf!" He gave a long whistle. "What'd you think of--of 'er, Bill?" "Well," was the honest reply, "that kind o' fine lady ain't my style at all. I like a girl as can back-answer yer a bit. But she was a reg'lar daisy for looks." Alf heaved another tremendous sigh. "Gawd!" he exclaimed. "I can't 'elp thinkin' 'ow awful it'd 'ave been if that shell as 'it Mr. Allen 'ad come over a bit sooner an' done _'er_ in!" He fell silent, lost in contemplation of this terrible idea. Bill was thinking deeply. He fixed a far-away gaze on Alf, reducing that warrior, very self-conscious in the unaccustomed rôle of love-sick swain, to the last pitch of embarrassment. When at last Bill came back to earth his words were startling in the extreme. "Well," he said casually. "If that's 'ow you feel, why don't you marry the girl?" "What?... Me?... Marry 'oo?" "Eustace's female, whatever 'er name is." "You're barmy! Might as well tell me to marry a royal princess straight orf." "Well, an' why not, if you want to?" Bill was quite unmoved. "Eustace fixed it up for Aladdin--why not for Alf 'Iggins?" "Yes, but--Aladdin, 'e was a prince 'isself." "Not to start with 'e wasn't, an' if you married a princess you'd be a prince, too. Prince 'Iggins--it'd look fine on a brass plate. Now look 'ere, Alf, my lad, yer just wastin' yer time. You don't seem to 'ave no idea what a lot you could do with Eustace. If _I_ 'ad a pet spook I'd use 'im a sight better'n what you do. Why don't you stop the blinkin' war? Get Kaiser Bill over 'ere, and...." "Once an' for all," interposed Alf with firmness, "I ain't goin' to mix meself up in nothing o' that sort. I knows enough to keep clear o' what's too 'igh for me. I'm a plain man, I am. Besides, Eustace ain't to be trusted. 'E'd be sure to make a muck of it an' get me into trouble some'ow."