Alice in Blunderland: An Iridescent DreamBangs, John Kendrick
Science
Alice in Blunderland: An Iridescent Dream
Bangs, John Kendrick
Fantasy literature; Municipal ownership -- Fiction
"The Municipal Ownership of Rubbernecks act has not yet been passed," he
observed. "Consequently visitors to our City can be shown about in any
way in which the party in charge chooses to choose."
"All right if you say so," said March Hare coldly. "Only I'd like to
have that opinion in writing. Public officials nowadays are too prune to
deny----"
"Prone, I guess you mean," laughed the Hatter gleefully.
"I prefer prune," said the March Hare, with dignity. "Public officials
are too prune nowadays to deny what they say in private conversation to
encourage me to take any chances."
[Illustration: "WROTE ON THE SIDE OF A CONVENIENT GAS TANK"]
"Certainly," returned the White Knight. "I'll write it out for you with
pleasure." Whereupon, taking a piece of chalk from his pocket, he wrote
with it on the side of a convenient gas tank the following opinion:
IN RE WHAT TO DO NEXT
Opinion 7,543,467,223. Liber 29. Gas Tank No. 6
You can go to the People's Shoe Shop,
Or down to the new Town Pump.
You can visit the Civic Glue Shop,
Or call on the Public Chump.
You can visit the Social Rooster,
Or sample Municipal Cheese--
In short you can do what you choose ter,
And go where you dee dash please.
(Signed) JOHN DOE WHITE KNIGHT,
Copperation Counsel.
Meanwhile Alice had been turned over to the Chief of Police to be cared
for, and was charmed to discover that that individual was none other
than her old friend the Dormouse whom she had met in her trip through
Wonderland at the Hatter's tea-party.
"How did you ever come to be Chief of Police?" she cried delightedly, as
she recognised him.
[Illustration: "I'M THE SOUNDEST SLEEPER IN TOWN"]
"I'm the soundest sleeper in town," he replied with a yawn, "so they made
me head of the force. You see, young lady, the great trouble with the
average policeman is that he's too wide-awake, and that leads to graft.
When the Hatter's Municipal Police Commission looked into the question
they found that the Cop who spent most of his time asleep spent less of
his time clubbing people who wouldn't whack up with him on the profits
of their business. Every ossifer who has been convicted of petty larceny
in the past, the records show, has been a fellow who stayed awake most
of the time, and no ossifer has ever yet been known to go in for graft
or get a record for clubbing innocent highwaymen over the head while he
was asleep either on a Park Bench, or in an alleyway. Consequently, says
they, Mr. Dormouse who wakes up only on every fifth Thursday in February
will make the best Police ossifer in the bunch, and being the best had
ought to be chose chief. Hence accordingly, it became thus. Moreover I
am a champion Tea Drinker."
"What's that got to do with it?" demanded Alice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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