Ah! Then yours wasn't a really good school. Now at _ours_ they had at the end of the bill, French, music, _and washing_--extra. ALICE You couldn't have wanted it much; living at the bottom of the sea. MOCK TURTLE I couldn't afford to learn it, I only took the regular course. ALICE What was that? MOCK TURTLE Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision. ALICE I never heard of Uglification. What is it? GRYPHON Never heard of uglifying! You know what to beautify is, I suppose? ALICE Yes, it means--to--make--anything--prettier. GRYPHON Well then, if you don't know what to uglify is, you _are_ a simpleton. ALICE What else had you to learn? MOCK TURTLE Well, there was Mystery; Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography, then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger eel, that used to come once a week; what _he_ taught us was Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils. ALICE What was _that_ like? MOCK TURTLE Well, I can't show it you, myself. I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon never learned it. GRYPHON Hadn't time; I went to the Classical master, though. He was an old crab, _he_ was. MOCK TURTLE I never went to him; he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say. GRYPHON So he did, so he did. ALICE And how many hours a day did you do lessons? MOCK TURTLE Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on. ALICE What a curious plan! GRYPHON That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lessen from day to day. ALICE Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday? MOCK TURTLE Of course it was. ALICE And how did you manage on the twelfth? GRYPHON That's enough about lessons, tell her something about the games now. [_MOCK TURTLE sighs deeply, draws back of one flapper across his eyes. He looks at ALICE and tries to speak but sobs choke his voice._] GRYPHON [_Punching him in the back._] Same as if he had a bone in his throat. MOCK TURTLE [_With tears running down his cheeks._] You may not have lived much under the sea-- ALICE I haven't. MOCK TURTLE And perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster. ALICE I once tasted--no, never! MOCK TURTLE So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is. ALICE No, indeed. What sort of a dance is it? GRYPHON Why, you first form into a line along the seashore. MOCK TURTLE Two lines; seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jellyfish out of the way-- GRYPHON _That_ generally takes some time. MOCK TURTLE You advance twice-- GRYPHON Each with a lobster as a partner. MOCK TURTLE Of course, advance twice, set to partners. GRYPHON Change lobsters, and retire in same order. MOCK TURTLE Then you know, you throw the-- GRYPHON The lobsters! MOCK TURTLE As far out to sea as you can-- GRYPHON Swim after them! MOCK TURTLE