You look better now! But really you should have a lady's maid! WHITE QUEEN I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and jam every other day. ALICE [_Who cannot help laughing._] I don't want you to hire me--and I don't care for jam. WHITE QUEEN It's very good jam. ALICE Well, I don't want any today, at any rate. WHITE QUEEN You couldn't have it if you _did_ want it. The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday--but never jam today. ALICE It must come sometimes to "jam today." WHITE QUEEN No, it can't, it's jam every _other_ day; today isn't any _other_ day, you know. ALICE I don't understand you, it's dreadfully confusing! WHITE QUEEN That's the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a little giddy at first-- ALICE Living backwards! I never heard of such a thing! WHITE QUEEN But there's one great advantage in it--that one's memory works both ways. ALICE I'm sure _mine_ only works one way. I can't remember things before they happen. WHITE QUEEN It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. ALICE What sort of things do you remember best? WHITE QUEEN Oh, things that happened the week after next. For instance now: [_She sticks a large piece of plaster on her finger._] There's the King's messenger--he's in prison being punished; and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday; and of course the crime comes last of all. ALICE Suppose he never commits the crime? WHITE QUEEN [_Binding the plaster with ribbon._] That would be all the better, wouldn't it? ALICE Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn't be all the better his being punished. WHITE QUEEN You're wrong _there_, at any rate; were _you_ ever punished? ALICE Only for faults. WHITE QUEEN And you were all the better for it, I know! ALICE Yes, but then I _had_ done the things I was punished for; that makes all the difference. WHITE QUEEN But if you hadn't done them that would have been better still; better and better and better! ALICE There's a mistake somewhere-- WHITE QUEEN [_Screams like an engine whistle, and shakes her hand._] Oh, Oh, Oh! My finger's bleeding. Oh, Oh, Oh! ALICE What _is_ the matter? Have you pricked your finger? WHITE QUEEN I haven't pricked it yet--but I soon shall--Oh, Oh, Oh! ALICE When do you expect to do it? WHITE QUEEN When I fasten my shawl again; the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, Oh! [_Brooch flies open and she clutches it wildly._] ALICE Take care! you're holding it all crooked! WHITE QUEEN [_Pricks her finger and smiles._] That accounts for the bleeding, you see; now you understand the way things happen here. ALICE But why don't you scream now? [Illustration] WHITE QUEEN Why, I've done all the screaming already. What would be the good of having it all over again? Oh! it's time to run if you want to stay in the same place! Come on! ALICE No, no! Not so fast! I'm getting dizzy!! WHITE QUEEN