World War, 1914-1918 -- Personal narratives, British
Those phlegmatic experts made a thorough investigation of the
resources of the establishment, and departed mysteriously, after the
fashion of the common plumber of civilisation, into space. Three days
later they returned, accompanied by a horde of acolytes, who,
with characteristic contempt for the pathetic appeals upon the
notice-boards, proceeded to dump down lumber, sandbags, and corrugated
iron roofing in the most exposed portions of the garden.
This done, some set out to shore up the ceilings of the basement with
mighty battens of wood, and to convert that region into a nest of
cunningly devised bedrooms. Others reinforced the flooring above with
a layer of earth and brick rubble three feet deep. On the top of all
this they relaid not only the original floor, but even the carpet.
"The only difference from before, sir," explained Box to the admiring
Staff Captain, "is that people will have to walk up three steps to get
into the dining-room now, instead of going in on the level."
"I wonder what the Marquise de Chilquichose will think of it all when
she returns to her ancestral home," mused the Staff Captain.
"If anything," maintained the invincible Box, "we have improved it for
her. For example, she can now light the chandelier without standing on
a chair--without getting up from table, in fact! However, to resume.
The fireplace, you will observe, has not been touched. I have left a
sort of well in the floor all round it, lined with some stuff I found
in Mademoiselle's room. At least," added Box coyly, "I think it must
have been Mademoiselle's room! You can sit in the well every evening
after supper. The walls of this room"--prodding the same--"are lined
with sandbags, covered with tapestry. Pretty artistic--what?"
"Extremely," agreed the Staff Captain. "You will excuse my raising the
point, I know, but can the apartment now be regarded as shell-proof?"
"Against everything but a direct hit. I wouldn't advise you to sleep
on this floor much, but you could have your meals here all right.
Then, if the Boche starts putting over heavy stuff, you can pop down
into the basement and have your dessert in bed. You'll be absolutely
safe there. In fact, the more the house tumbles down the safer you
will be. It will only make your protection shell thicker. So if you
hear heavy thuds overhead, don't be alarmed!"
"I won't," promised the Staff Captain. "I shall lie in bed, drinking
a nice hot cup of tea, and wondering whether the last crash was the
kitchen chimney, or only the drawing-room piano coming down another
storey. Now show me my room."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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