All quiet on the Western FrontRemarque, Erich Maria
History
All quiet on the Western Front
Remarque, Erich Maria
War stories; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
I have remade his bed fourteen times in one morning. Each time he
had some fault to find and pulled it to pieces. I have kneaded a
pair of prehistoric boots that were as hard as iron for twenty
hours--with intervals of course--until they became as soft as butter
and not even Himmelstoss could find anything more to do to them;
under his orders I have scrubbed out the Corporals' Mess with a
tooth-brush. Kropp and I were given the job of clearing the
barrack-square of snow with a hand-broom and a dust-pan, and we would
have gone on till we were frozen had not a lieutenant accidentally
appeared who sent us off, and hauled Himmelstoss over the coals. But
the only result of this was to make Himmelstoss hate us more. For
six weeks consecutively I did guard every Sunday and was hut-orderly
for the same length of time. With full pack and rifle I have had to
practise on a soft, wet, newly ploughed field the "Prepare to
advance, advance!" and the "Lie down!" until I was one lump of mud
and finally collapsed. Four hours later I had to report to
Himmelstoss with my clothes scrubbed clean, my hands chafed and
bleeding. Together with Kropp, Westhus, and Tjaden I have stood at
attention in a hard frost without gloves for a quarter of an hour at
a stretch, while Himmelstoss watched for the slightest movement of
our bare fingers on the steel barrel of the rifle. I have run eight
times from the top floor of the barracks down to the courtyard in my
shirt at two o'clock in the morning because my drawers projected
three inches beyond the edge of the stool on which one had to stack
all one's things. Alongside me ran the corporal, Himmelstoss, and
trod on my bare toes. At bayonet-practice I had constantly to fight
with Himmelstoss, I with a heavy iron weapon whilst he had a handy
wooden one with which he easily struck my arms till they were black
and blue. Once, indeed, I became so infuriated that I ran at him
blindly and gave him a mighty jab in the stomach and knocked him
down. When he reported me the company commander laughed at him and
told him he ought to keep his eyes open; he understood Himmelstoss,
and apparently was not displeased at his discomfiture. I became a
past master on the parallel bars and strove to surpass my instructor
at physical jerks;--we have trembled at the mere sound of his voice,
but this runaway post-horse never got the better of us.
One Sunday as Kropp and I were lugging a latrine-bucket on a pole
across the barrack-yard, Himmelstoss came by, all polished up and
spry for going out. He planted himself in front of us and asked how
we liked the job. In spite of ourselves we tripped and emptied the
bucket over his legs. He raved, but the limit had been reached.
"That means clink," he yelled.
But Kropp had had enough. "There'll be an inquiry first," he said,
"and then we'll unload."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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