LAFEW. I would it were hell-pains for thy sake, and my poor doing eternal; for doing I am past, as I will by thee, in what motion age will give me leave. [_Exit._] PAROLLES. Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace off me; scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must be patient; there is no fettering of authority. I’ll beat him, by my life, if I can meet him with any convenience, an he were double and double a lord. I’ll have no more pity of his age than I would have of—I’ll beat him, and if I could but meet him again. Enter Lafew. LAFEW. Sirrah, your lord and master’s married; there’s news for you; you have a new mistress. PAROLLES. I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to make some reservation of your wrongs. He is my good lord; whom I serve above is my master. LAFEW. Who? God? PAROLLES. Ay, sir. LAFEW. The devil it is that’s thy master. Why dost thou garter up thy arms o’ this fashion? Dost make hose of thy sleeves? Do other servants so? Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy nose stands. By mine honour, if I were but two hours younger, I’d beat thee. Methink’st thou art a general offence, and every man should beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to breathe themselves upon thee. PAROLLES. This is hard and undeserved measure, my lord. LAFEW. Go to, sir; you were beaten in Italy for picking a kernel out of a pomegranate; you are a vagabond, and no true traveller. You are more saucy with lords and honourable personages than the commission of your birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave. I leave you. [_Exit._] Enter Bertram. PAROLLES. Good, very good, it is so then. Good, very good; let it be conceal’d awhile. BERTRAM. Undone, and forfeited to cares for ever! PAROLLES. What’s the matter, sweetheart? BERTRAM. Although before the solemn priest I have sworn, I will not bed her. PAROLLES. What, what, sweetheart? BERTRAM. O my Parolles, they have married me! I’ll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her. PAROLLES. France is a dog-hole, and it no more merits The tread of a man’s foot: to the wars! BERTRAM. There’s letters from my mother; what th’ import is I know not yet. PAROLLES. Ay, that would be known. To th’ wars, my boy, to th’ wars! He wears his honour in a box unseen That hugs his kicky-wicky here at home, Spending his manly marrow in her arms, Which should sustain the bound and high curvet Of Mars’s fiery steed. To other regions! France is a stable; we that dwell in’t, jades, Therefore, to th’ war! BERTRAM. It shall be so; I’ll send her to my house, Acquaint my mother with my hate to her, And wherefore I am fled; write to the king That which I durst not speak. His present gift Shall furnish me to those Italian fields Where noble fellows strike. War is no strife To the dark house and the detested wife. PAROLLES. Will this caprichio hold in thee, art sure?