All the Sad Young MenFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
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All the Sad Young Men
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
The crowd made a feeble attempt to shove forward, but the unfortunate
fact that there was no space into which to move precluded any marked
success. The car turned another corner, and again the woman next to
Mather swayed against his shoulder. Ordinarily he would have given up
his seat if only to avoid this reminder that she was there. It made him
feel unpleasantly cold-blooded. And the car was horrible--horrible. They
ought to put more of them on the line these sweltering days.
For the fifth time he looked at the pictures in the comic strip. There
was a beggar in the second picture, and the wavering image of Mr. Lacy
persistently inserted itself in the beggar's place. God! Suppose the old
man really did starve to death--suppose he threw himself into the river.
"Once," thought Mather, "he helped my father. Perhaps, if he hadn't, my
own life would have been different than it has been. But Lacy could
afford it then--and I can't."
To force out the picture of Mr. Lacy, Mather tried to think of
Jaqueline. He said to himself over and over that he would have been
sacrificing Jaqueline to a played-out man who had had his chance and
failed. Jaqueline needed her chance now as never before.
Mather looked at his watch. He had been on the car ten minutes. Fifteen
minutes still to ride, and the heat increasing with breathless
intensity. The woman swayed against him once more, and looking out the
window he saw that they were turning the last down-town corner.
It occurred to him that perhaps he ought, after all, to give the woman
his seat--her last sway toward him had been a particularly tired sway.
If he were sure she was an older woman--but the texture of her dress as
it brushed his hand gave somehow the impression that she was a young
girl. He did not dare look up to see. He was afraid of the appeal that
might look out of her eyes if they were old eyes or the sharp contempt
if they were young.
For the next five minutes his mind worked in a vague suffocated way on
what now seemed to him the enormous problem of whether or not to give
her the seat. He felt dimly that doing so would partially atone for his
refusal to Mr. Lacy that afternoon. It would be rather terrible to have
done those two cold-blooded things in succession--and on such a day.
He tried the cartoon again, but in vain. He must concentrate on
Jaqueline. He was dead tired now, and if he stood up he would be more
tired. Jaqueline would be waiting for him, needing him. She would be
depressed and she would want him to hold her quietly in his arms for an
hour after dinner. When he was tired this was rather a strain. And
afterward when they went to bed she would ask him from time to time to
get her her medicine or a glass of ice-water. He hated to show any
weariness in doing these things. She might notice and, needing
something, refrain from asking for it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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