Didactic fiction; Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction
“Above a year I lived with this man in an obscure court in London,
during which time I had a child by him, whom Heaven, I thank it, hath
been pleased to take to itself.
“During many months he behaved to me with all the apparent tenderness
and even fondness imaginable; but, alas! how poor was my enjoyment of
this compared to what it would have been in another situation? When he
was present, life was barely tolerable: but, when he was absent, nothing
could equal the misery I endured. I past my hours almost entirely alone;
for no company but what I despised, would consort with me. Abroad I
scarce ever went, lest I should meet any of my former acquaintance; for
their sight would have plunged a thousand daggers in my soul. My only
diversion was going very seldom to a play, where I hid myself in the
gallery, with a daughter of the woman of the house. A girl, indeed, of
good sense and many good qualities; but how much beneath me was it to
be the companion of a creature so low! O heavens! when I have seen my
equals glittering in a side-box, how have the thoughts of my lost honour
torn my soul!”
“Pardon me, dear madam,” cries Booth, “for interrupting you; but I am
under the utmost anxiety to know what became of your poor father,
for whom I have so great a respect, and who, I am convinced, must so
bitterly feel your loss.”
“O Mr. Booth,” answered she, “he was scarce ever out of my thoughts. His
dear image still obtruded itself in my mind, and I believe would have
broken my heart, had I not taken a very preposterous way to ease myself.
I am, indeed, almost ashamed to tell you; but necessity put it in my
head.--You will think the matter too trifling to have been remembered,
and so it surely was; nor should I have remembered it on any other
occasion. You must know then, sir, that my brother was always my
inveterate enemy and altogether as fond of my sister.--He once prevailed
with my father to let him take my sister with him in the chariot, and
by that means I was disappointed of going to a ball which I had set my
heart on. The disappointment, I assure you, was great at the time; but I
had long since forgotten it. I must have been a very bad woman if I had
not, for it was the only thing in which I can remember that my father
ever disobliged me. However, I now revived this in my mind, which I
artificially worked up into so high an injury, that I assure you it
afforded me no little comfort. When any tender idea intruded into my
bosom, I immediately raised this fantom of an injury in my imagination,
and it considerably lessened the fury of that sorrow which I should have
otherwise felt for the loss of so good a father, who died within a few
months of my departure from him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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