Amos Kilbright; His Adscititious Experiences: With Other StoriesStockton, Frank R.
Science
Amos Kilbright; His Adscititious Experiences: With Other Stories
Stockton, Frank R.
African Americans -- Fiction
"Now, my dear brev'ren ob dis congregation," he said, "I want you to
understan' dat dar's nuffin in dis yer sarmon wot you've jus' heerd ter
make you think yousefs angels. By no means, brev'ren; you was all brung
up by women, an' you've got ter lib wid' em, an ef anythin' in dis yer
worl' is ketchin', my dear brev'ren, it's habin debbils, an' from wot
I've seen ob some ob de men ob dis worl' I 'spect dey is persest ob
'bout all de debbils dey got room fur. But de Bible don' say nuffin
p'intedly on de subjec' ob de number ob debbils in man, an' I 'spec'
dose dat's got 'em--an' we ought ter feel pow'ful thankful, my dear
brev'ren, dat de Bible don' say we all's got 'em--has 'em 'cordin to
sarcumstances. But wid de women it's dif'rent; dey's got jus' sebin, an'
bless my soul, brev'ren, I think dat's 'nuff.
"While I was a-turnin' ober in my min' de subjec' ob dis sarmon, dere
come ter me a bit ob Scripter wot I heerd at a big preachin' an'
baptizin' at Kyarter's Mills, 'bout ten year' ago. One ob de preachers
was a-tellin' about ole mudder Ebe a-eatin' de apple, and says he: De
sarpint fus' come along wid a red apple, an' says he: You gib dis yer to
your husban', an' he think it so mighty good dat when he done eat it he
gib you anything you ax him fur, ef you tell him whar de tree is. Ebe,
she took one bite, an' den she frew dat apple away. 'Wot you mean, you
triflin' sarpint,' says she, 'a fotchin' me dat apple wot ain't good fur
nuffin but ter make cider wid.' Den de sarpint he go fotch her a yaller
apple, an' she took one bite an' den says she: 'Go 'long wid ye, you
fool sarpint, wot you fotch me dat June apple wot ain't got no taste to
it?' Den de sarpint he think she like sumpin' sharp, an' he fotch her a
green apple. She takes one bite ob it, an' den she frows it at his head,
an' sings out: 'Is you 'spectin' me to gib dat apple to yer Uncle Adam
an' gib him de colic?' Den de debbil he fotch her a lady-apple, but she
say she won't take no sich triflin' nubbins as dat to her husban', an'
she took one bite ob it, an' frew it away. Den he go fotch her two udder
kin' ob apples, one yaller wid red stripes, an' de udder one red on one
side an' green on de udder,--mighty good lookin' apples, too--de kin'
you git two dollars a bar'l fur at the store. But Ebe, she wouldn't hab
neider ob 'em, an' when she done took one bite out ob each one, she frew
it away. Den de ole debbil-sarpint, he scratch he head, an' he say to
hese'f: 'Dis yer Ebe, she pow'ful 'ticklar 'bout her apples. Reckin I'll
have ter wait till after fros', an' fotch her a real good one.' An' he
done wait till after fros', and then he fotch her a' Albemarle pippin,
an' when she took one bite ob dat, she jus' go 'long an' eat it all up,
core, seeds, an' all. 'Look h'yar, sarpint,' says she, 'hab you got
anudder ob dem apples in your pocket?' An' den he tuk one out, an' gib
it to her. ''Cuse me,' says she, 'I's gwine ter look up Adam, an' ef he
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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