Ah well, why should I--after the fashion of other gods, Neptune, Virtue, Victory, Mars, Bellona, whom I have seen in the tragedies recounting their goodness to you-- rehearse the benefits that my father, ruler of the gods, hath builded up for all men? sed mos numquam illi fuit patri meo,[8] ut exprobraret quod bonis faceret boni; gratum arbitratur esse id a vobis sibi meritoque vobis bona se facere quae facit. It never was a habit of that sire of mine to twit good people with the good he did them; he considers you grateful to him for it and worthy of the good things he does for you. Nunc quam rem oratum huc veni primum proloquar, 50 post argumentum huius eloquar tragoediae. quid? contraxistis frontem, quia tragoediam dixi futuram hanc? deus sum, commutavero. Now first as to the favour I have come to ask, and then you shall hear the argument of our tragedy. What? Frowning because I said this was to be a tragedy? I am a god: I’ll transform it. eandem hanc, si voltis, faciam ex tragoedia comoedia ut sit omnibus isdem vorsibus. utrum sit an non voltis? sed ego stultior, quasi nesciam vos velle, qui divos siem. I’ll convert this same play from tragedy to comedy, if you like, and never change a line. Do you wish me to do it, or not? But there! how stupid of me! As if I didn’t know that you do wish it, when I’m a deity. teneo quid animi vostri super hac re siet: faciam ut commixta sit: sit tragicomoedia. nam me perpetuo facere ut sit comoedia, 60 reges quo veniant et di, non par arbitror. quid igitur? quoniam his servos quoque partes habet, faciam sit, proinde ut dixi, tragicomoedia. I understand your feelings in the matter perfectly. I shall mix things up: let it be tragi-comedy. Of course it would never do for me to make it comedy out and out, with kings and gods on the boards. How about it, then? Well, in view of the fact that there is a slave part in it, I shall do just as I said and make it tragi-comedy. nunc hoc me orare a vobis iussit Iuppiter, ut conquaestores singula in subsellia eant per totam caveam spectatoribus, si cui favitores delegates viderint, ut is in cavea pignus capiantur togae; Now here is the favour Jove bade me ask of you: (_with great solemnity_) let inspectors go from seat to seat throughout the house, and should they discover claqueurs planted for the benefit of any party, let them take as security from all such in the house--their togas. sive qui ambissint palmam histrionibus, sive cuiquam artifici, si per scriptas litteras 70 sive qui ipse ambissit seu per internuntium, sive adeo aediles perfidiose cui duint, sirempse legem iussit esse Iuppiter, quasi magistratum sibi alterive ambiverit.