Americans -- England -- Fiction; Girls -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Gradually--perhaps because the elderly person was so extremely deaf, and
my own behaviour comparatively unaggressive--the lady of England began
to assume a less uncomfortable position. A certain repellent air went
out of her right shoulder. Presently she sat quite parallel with the
table. By the advent of the pudding--it was cabinet pudding--I had
become conscious that she had looked at me casually three times. When
the Gorgonzola appeared I refused it. In America ladies eat very little
Gorgonzola.
'Don't you like cheese?' she said, suddenly, a little as if I had
offended her. I was so startled that I equivocated somewhat.
'No'm, not to day, I think--thank you!' I said. The fact is, I never
touch it.
'Oh!' she responded. 'But then, this is your first appearance, I
suppose? In that case, you wouldn't like it.' And I felt forgiven.
She said nothing more until dessert, and then she startled me again.
'Have you been bad?' she inquired.
I didn't know quite what to say, it seemed such an extraordinary
question, but it flashed upon me that perhaps the lady was some kind
of missionary, in which case it was my duty to be respectful. So I said
that I hoped not--that at least I hadn't been told so since I was a
very little girl. 'But then,' I said, 'The Episcopalian Prayer-book
says we're all miserable sinners, doesn't it?' The lady looked at me in
astonishment.
'What has the Prayer-book to do with your being ill?' she exclaimed.
'Oh, I see!' and she laughed very heartily. 'You thought I meant
naughty! Cross-questions and crooked answers! Mr. Mafferton, you will
appreciate this!' Mr. Mafferton was the gentleman whom I have mentioned
in connection with the salt-cellars; and my other neighbour seemed to
know him, which, as they both came from England, did not surprise me
then, although now I should be inclined to consider that the most likely
reason of all why they shouldn't be acquainted. I didn't see anything so
very humorous in it, but the lady explained our misunderstanding to Mr.
Mafferton as if it were the greatest joke imaginable, and she had made
it herself. 'Really,' she said, 'it's good enough for "Punch!'" I was
unfamiliar with that paper then, and couldn't say; but now I think it
was myself.
Mr. Mafferton coloured dreadfully--I omitted to say that he was a
youngish gentleman--and listened with a sort of strained smile, which
debouched into a hesitating and uncomfortable remark about 'curious
differences in idioms.' I thought he intended it to be polite, and he
said it in the most agreeable man's voice I had ever heard; but I could
not imagine what there was to flurry him so, and I felt quite sorry for
him. And he had hardly time to get safely back to the salt-cellar before
we all got up.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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