An Autobiography of Anthony TrollopeTrollope, Anthony
General
An Autobiography of Anthony Trollope
Trollope, Anthony
Novelists, English -- 19th century -- Biography; Trollope, Anthony, 1815-1882
conversation one of them handed me half-a-crown! That also was a bad
moment.
I came up to town, as I said before, purporting to live a jolly
life upon £90 per annum. I remained seven years in the General Post
Office, and when I left it my income was £140. During the whole
of this time I was hopelessly in debt. There were two intervals,
amounting together to nearly two years, in which I lived with
my mother, and therefore lived in comfort,--but even then I was
overwhelmed with debt. She paid much for me,--paid all that I asked
her to pay, and all that she could find out that I owed. But who in
such a condition ever tells all and makes a clean breast of it? The
debts, of course, were not large, but I cannot think now how I could
have lived, and sometimes have enjoyed life, with such a burden of
duns as I endured. Sheriff's officers with uncanny documents, of
which I never understood anything, were common attendants on me. And
yet I do not remember that I was ever locked up, though I think I was
twice a prisoner. In such emergencies some one paid for me. And now,
looking back at it, I have to ask myself whether my youth was very
wicked. I did no good in it; but was there fair ground for expecting
good from me? When I reached London no mode of life was prepared
for me,--no advice even given to me. I went into lodgings, and then
had to dispose of my time. I belonged to no club, and knew very few
friends who would receive me into their houses. In such a condition
of life a young man should no doubt go home after his work, and spend
the long hours of the evening in reading good books and drinking tea.
A lad brought up by strict parents, and without having had even a
view of gayer things, might perhaps do so. I had passed all my life
at public schools, where I had seen gay things, but had never enjoyed
them. Towards the good books and tea no training had been given me.
There was no house in which I could habitually see a lady's face and
hear a lady's voice. No allurement to decent respectability came in
my way. It seems to me that in such circumstances the temptations of
loose life will almost certainly prevail with a young man. Of course
if the mind be strong enough, and the general stuff knitted together
of sufficiently stern material, the temptations will not prevail. But
such minds and such material are, I think, uncommon. The temptation
at any rate prevailed with me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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