An Engagement of Convenience: A NovelZangwill, Louis
General
An Engagement of Convenience: A Novel
Zangwill, Louis
Fiction
He hung his head like a broken reed. He had no longer anything to hide;
he had already sufficiently disclosed to her that his marriage was to be
a loveless one. She would understand and respect his first desire to
keep his true relation to Alice sacred from her gaze. But Lady Betty's
revelation of tragic experience had swept him off his feet. He had
responded to her great emotion; had confessed his allegiance to her
through all and despite all. His life seemed linked to hers with a
mystic, enduring passion. And yet were they not hopelessly sundered?
"'Men must work and women must weep,'" she quoted. "Ah, well! we never
can win our ideals; life is always a compromise. Perhaps it's a blessing
to see our clear obligations."
"Yes--if one has the strength to turn one's eyes aside from the dreams;
but saddening otherwise."
"Saddening otherwise," she echoed pensively. "But I thank you that I am
still the wonderful princess, even after my terrible confession."
He took a step forward, and seized her hand impulsively.
"Never believe otherwise, no matter what you may hear of me. Whether
this be the last time I see you or not, whether I fail and be broken
again, my last breath shall proclaim my allegiance to--the wonderful
princess! Listen, the woman I am marrying is more than goodness itself.
I cannot pretend to match her; my manhood falls below her womanhood. But
into the inner chamber of my life she can never enter. Out of loyalty to
her I gave you to understand that I had given my affections. That is
true, but not in the sense I led you to believe. There is no reason why
I should not be open now; it would be a poor compliment to you after all
this mutual confidence if I could not bare to you the absolute truth.
And the absolute truth is--I have sold myself for safety, for the sake
of my art, and for the sake of my sister. It would be unendurable were
there not the mitigation of the esteem I have for the woman I am
marrying, and for the many qualities of kindness and goodness in that
whole household. But she is not my true mate. Unlimited as is her virtue
in a hundred ways, she herself is yet limited. My work must find
inspiration entirely apart from her. May I think of you, princess, as my
inspiration?"
"She is a good woman. You must be loyal to her."
"It would be no disloyalty; I should be cherishing the ideal."
She was smiling and radiant again. "I can scarcely stop you--I see it
would certainly be rash to try. Well, goodbye now; I have a thousand
little neglected things crying to me. And your moments, too, are
precious. You will be here again one of these mornings?"
"To-morrow," he said. "For the present, we may be friends?"
"Till the tide sweeps us apart."
"The cruel tide!" he murmured. "But you will always be the wonderful
princess," he insisted again.
"I shall try to be worthy of the title."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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