repeating Clock with Chimes, is ready upon every touch to sound to ’em. Men avoid him for the same Reason, they avoid the _Pillory_, the security of their _Ears_; of which he is as merciless a Persecutor. He is the Bane of Society, a Friend to the Stationers, the Plague of the Press, and the Ruine of his Bookseller. He is more profitable to the _Grocers_ and _Tabacconists_ than the _Paper Manufacture_; for his Works, which talk so much of Fire and Flame, commonly expire in their Shops in _Vapour_ and _Smoak_. If he aspire to _Comedy_, he intrigues with some experienc’d _Damsel_ of the _Town_, in order to instruct himself in the humour of it, and is cullied by her into _Matrimony_, and so is furnish’d at once with a Plot, and two good Characters, himself and his Wife, and is paid with a Portion for a Jointure in _Parnassus_, which I leave him to make his best of. [Sidenote: _Vanity Universal._] I shall not trouble you with any more Instances of the foolish vanities of Mankind; because I am affraid I have been too large upon that Head already. Not that I think there is any Order or Degree of Men, which wou’d not afford many and notorious instances for our Purpose. For as I think _Vanity_ almost the Universal mover of all our Actions, whether good or bad; so I think there are scarce any Men so Ingenious, or so Vertuous, but something of it will shine through the greatest Part of what they do, let them cast never so thick a Vail over it. What makes Men so solicitous of leaving a Reputation behind ’em in the World, though they know they can’t be affected with it after Death, but this even to a degree of Folly? What else makes great Men involve themselves in the Fatigues and Hazards of War, and intricate Intrigues of State, when they have already more than they can enjoy, but an Itch of being talk’d of and remembred, to which they sacrifice their present happiness and repose? But I shall carry these Considerations no farther; because I have already singled out some of those many whose _Vanity_ is more extravagant and ridiculous, than any our Sex is chargeable with, these slight Touches may serve to let ’em see, that even the greatest, and Wisest are not wholely exempt, if they have it not in a higher Degree, tho’ they exercise it in things more Popular, and Plausible. I hope therefore the burthen of this good Quality will not hereafter be laid upon us alone, but the Men will be contented to divide the Load with us, and be thankful that they bear less than their Proportion. [Sidenote: _Impertinence._]