Humorous stories; Inventors -- Fiction; Science fiction; Short stories; Young men -- Fiction
Further investigation only made the matter seem worse, for quiet
inquiries brought out the information that Walsingham Gribbs had been
staggering since the year his father died. He had been constantly in a
reeling, staggering state since his twentieth birthday. For such a man
reform is, indeed, impossible. And what made the case more sad was that
all proof seemed to point to the fact that Walsingham Gribbs was not a
“bounder” nor a “rounder,” two classes of men who occasionally acquire
a stagger and a reel in company with hearty boon companions.
In short, no one had ever seen Walsingham Gribbs take a drink in
public, and I was forced to conclude that he was of that horrid type
that drinks alone--“Alone but with unabated zeal” as that great poet,
Sir Walter Scott, has remarked in one of his charming poems.
If all these investigations of mine were conducted without the
knowledge of Walsingham Gribbs, you must admit I did only what was
right in keeping them secret from him; for since he had never met my
daughter he might have considered the efforts of a perfect stranger
to peer into his life as being uncalled for. My wife did what she
could to comfort Anne, but Anne sadly replied that she could never
marry a man that staggered and reeled day in and day out. Thus day by
day she became more sad, and I became so upset that I actually sold a
narrow-brimmed derby hat to a man with wide, outstanding ears.
Of course this could not go on. No high-grade hat business could
support it, and I was standing in my shop door looking gloomily out
when I chanced to see Walsingham Gribbs stagger by. I had seen him
many times, but now, for the first time I noticed what I should have
noticed before--that he invariably wore a high hat, or “topper,” as our
customers like to call them.
I observed that the shape was awful, and that the hat badly needed the
iron, and then my mind recurred to the old problem of the vacant space
in the top of top hats; but I found I could not concentrate. Whenever
I tried to think of top hats I thought of Walsingham Gribbs in one of
them, staggering and reeling up the street, and gradually the thought
came that it would be an excellent idea should I be able so to use the
space in the top of Walsingham’s hat that he would no longer stagger
and reel, and then the thought of the gyroscope hat came to me.
I admit that at first I put the idea aside as futile, but it came back
again and again, and at length it seemed to force me into enthusiasm. I
dropped everything and went to work on the gyro-hat.
The gyroscope is, as everyone knows, a top, and I might have called
the hat I invented a top hat, except that any tall cylindrical silk or
beaver hat is called a top hat, so I was forced to adopt the name of
gyro-hat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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