Humorous stories; Inventors -- Fiction; Science fiction; Short stories; Young men -- Fiction
Whatever may have been my past opinion of Walsingham Gribbs--for it was
he--I loved him most dearly at that moment, and in my incoherent manner
I tried to tell him so. I think he understood. At any rate, he spoke to
my wife like a true gentleman.
“Madame,” he said, “I can sincerely sympathize with your husband, and
if you will allow me, I will gladly help you assist him to a cab. I beg
you not to be frightened by his condition. I myself am subject to the
same trouble, and although he may seem drunk----”
“Seem drunk!” exclaimed my wife. “Seem drunk! I beg you to know that my
husband is as drunk as a man can become without being senseless. Either
that, or we have been defrauded by this waiter!”
Walsingham Gribbs looked at my wife, and then smiled.
“Very well,” he said, “if what you wanted was to have him drunk, I’ll
admit that he is about the drunkest man I have ever seen. I only spoke
as I did in order that I might spare your feelings, for most wives
object to seeing their husbands stagger and reel. I myself stagger and
reel continually, and I have never tasted intoxicating liquor in my
life, but I can share the feelings of one who staggers and reels, or
who has a relative that staggers and reels.”
At this my wife said:
“Are you not Walsingham Gribbs? If you are I am delighted to have met
you, even in this unconventional manner, for what brought us here will
interest you.”
She then told him of the gyro-hat I had invented, and explained just
why I had come to this place and had swallowed the strong brandy. I
took no part in this conversation, but Walsingham gladly agreed to
accompany us, and he put my gyro-hat on my head.
[Illustration: “WHEN WALSINGHAM RELEASED MY HAND, I SLOWLY SWUNG
UPRIGHT AGAIN ON THE PICKETS.”]
The result was indeed marvelous. Instantly the vacuum pump began to
work and the gyroscope to revolve. My head, which had been lying on one
side, straightened up. The rubber sweat band gripped my head tightly
with a slight pulling sensation. Without assistance I arose from my
chair and stood erect. My brain was still confused, but I walked as
straight as a string direct to the door of the restaurant, and stood
holding it open while my wife and Walsingham passed out.
The gyroscope was revolving at the rate of three thousand revolutions a
minute, and the slight humming was hardly noticeable. I did not stagger
and I did not reel. When I reached Gramercy Park I was full of glee. I
had been walking on the edge of the curb, but I now desired to climb
atop of the iron fence that surrounds the park, and walk on the points
of the pickets.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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