Interpersonal relations -- Fiction; Spiritualism -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Too weak to change, though a mental hell
To me the rôle of clown;
A coward bound by a self-wrought spell,
I wait the sound of the prompter’s bell
Which rings the curtain down.”
Sunday’s restfulness was in the air. Miss Hill and Westfield sat in the
shade of the great tree in the yard, with books and newspapers about
them. Nothing was more delightful to Westfield than to hear her read
aloud. She had a voice of great natural sweetness, with no artificial
notes in it. In truth there was no artifice in her character.
The man beside her to-day was one of whom poor Kendall had often
been bitterly jealous, a man of finer fibre than his rival, greater
charm and graver defects. Older, he was also wiser, particularly in
melancholy wisdom.
“Read me something,” he said, “some wild wail from a tortured poet.
There are always plenty, and I like ’en, no matter how woful they are.
God bless the poets every one, high and humble. They help us out in the
dreary business of life.”
She read:
“White-footed the snow comes,
O’er the hills of beauty,
Treading like a penitent
Rough paths of duty.”
“What an exquisite figure,”--he interrupted,--“the personification of
the snow, with white feet, like a penitent.” He had once made a bright
mark in the world of letters, then ceased to strive and later ceased to
care, so it might be supposed that his commendation was of some value.
“Miss Hill,” he said, with sudden animation, “what are you going to do
with your life?”
“Live it, if I am permitted.”
“How?”
“I have my dreams.”
“Of what?”
She smiled, looking far away, but kept silence.
“I can’t make you out,” he said, a little peevishly. “I believe you
have genius for literature, yet you seem to be perfectly indifferent
about cultivating it. Were you like others one might suppose that love
and marriage made up your dreams; but you are as indifferent to lovers
as to possible fame. I don’t understand you.”
“Well, it isn’t worth while to bother about me,” she said. “I shall be
gone some day.”
“I fear you will,” he answered, with feeling; “I have thought of it a
thousand times, and dreaded to enter the house, lest I should not find
you there. A sense of your impermanence is always with me. You don’t
belong here in any sense, and I fear that Fate will not let you stay
much longer. There is an unreality about your being here at all that
is like the experiences we have when we sleep, real enough while they
are occurring, but unreal to remember. Yes, you will be gone some day.
Therefore, I shall take Fate by the forelock and go first, that I may
not be here when you leave. I could not endure that. The very sight of
the old house and this tree would then be intolerable to me.”
His face and speech were impassioned, but the girl saw it not. That was
what made her so exasperating to those whom she fascinated. She seemed
incapable of seeing that she could fascinate. The truth was she was
self-absorbed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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