Interpersonal relations -- Fiction; Spiritualism -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“You are ever so much cleverer than I when it comes to things learned
out of books,” Mrs. Layton went on, “I have very little of what they
call learning--too little entirely; but any one can see that you are
well instructed. But when it comes to knowing about people as they are
and not as they ought to be, I am far ahead of you, though I am only a
month or two older. You are a mere baby in all that, absolutely blind
to what I can see across the street; and you are such an earnest,
honest, credulous soul that you are bound to have your heart broken
dozens of times while you are learning what you ought to know already.”
“How did you learn it all so soon?”
“By experience, the only school whose lessons we remember. I was
married at seventeen and am twenty-four now. One can learn a heap of
things in seven years, with so good a chance as I have had.” (Here the
Butterfly’s mouth took on a hard and bitter curve, which told more than
her word of what her sad wisdom had cost.) “That I was romantic goes
without saying. I believed in the foolish love-stories I read and
expected life to be like them. Were I clever like you, I would write
books and tell about life as it is and not as novel writers generally
pretend it is, deluding the ignorant and inexperienced. I actually
believed there was such a thing as happiness, and that I could secure
it in the usual way, by marrying the man I was in love with--otherwise
the man who had succeeded in casting a spell over me that caused me to
see him through a mist of enchantment, for that is what it means. But
my fool’s paradise didn’t last long. I soon learned to my sorrow that a
man out of a book is not at all like a man in a book. One shock after
another came, until at last nothing could surprise me. After a time
my husband began to drink heavily and does yet, and that is what has
brought us to poverty. When he is bad drunk he is ugly and dangerous.
In short, my life is hard and hateful ’way down out of sight.”
“O my friend,” cried Cartice, with glistening eyes, “it is a tragedy,
and I thought nobody suffered as I do.”
Mrs. Layton continued: “When I married I loved him, was proud of him,
believed in him. Now I only pity him, and care for him only as a mother
cares for a child. Could he read my thoughts his vanity, should he have
any left, must suffer. Such men lose far more than we do, after all,
but they are so steeped in selfishness, so besotted in ignorance, they
can’t see it. And he has wretched health, as any one may see. I don’t
know what the end will be, and dare not think of it.”
“I wish we could know what such experiences mean,” said Cartice. “What
is suffering for? Why must it be? We try hard to find the right road;
we do the best we can; the way looks fair and smooth, and then from no
fault of our own that we can see we are plunged into dark depths. I
wish we knew the reason of it, the purpose of it. I wish we knew.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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