Love stories; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
"I fear I have been one already,--a sorry one, too. It is possible
to do mischief without being very intelligent or deliberate. You
are making my future, so far as you are concerned, clearer than
I imagined it could be. You do interest me deeply. In one evening
you make it evident how much I have lost in neglecting you--for I
have neglected you, though not intentionally. Hereafter I shall be
only too proud if you will talk to me as you have done, giving me
glimpses of your thoughts, your work, and especially your dangers,
where there are any. Never deceive me in this respect, or leave
me in ignorance. Whatever may be the weaknesses of my nature, now
that I have waked up, I am too proud a girl to receive all that I
do from your hands and then give almost my whole life and thought
to others. I shall be too delighted if you are happier for my
meddling and dropping down upon you. I'll keep your secrets too,
you see;" and she confirmed her words by an emphatic little nod.
"You can talk to me about people, big and little, with whom you
have to do, just as serenely as if you were giving your confidence
to an oyster.
"But, papa, I am confronted by a question of real life, just as
difficult for me as any that can perplex you. I can't treat this
question any more as I have done. I don't see my way at all. Now
I am going to be as direct and straightforward as a man, and not
beat around the bush with any womanish finesse. There is a gentleman
in this city who, if he knew I was in town to-night, would call, and
I might not be able to prevent him from making a formal proposal.
He is a man whom I respect and like very much, and I fear I have
been too encouraging,--not intentionally and deliberately you know,
but thoughtlessly. He was the cleverest and the most entertaining
of my friends, and always brought a breezy kind of excitement with
him. Don't you see, papa? That is what I lived for, pleasure and
excitement, and I don't believe that anything can be so exciting
to a girl as to see a man yielding to her fascinations, whatever
they may be. It gives one a delicious sense of power. I shall be
frank, too. I must be, for I want your advice. You men like power.
History is full of the records of those who sold their own souls
for it, and walked through blood and crime to reach it. I think it
is just as natural for a woman to love power also, only now I see
that it is a cruel and vile thing to get it and use it merely for
amusement. To me it was excitement. I don't like to think how it
may all end to a man like Fenton Lane, and I am so remorseful that
I am half inclined to sacrifice myself and make him as good a wife
as I can."
"Do you love him?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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