Diogenes the Cynic, being in the house of Plato, strode over the carpets with his dirty feet, saying _I trample the pride of Plato_. _True_, said Plato, _but with a greater pride_. Seeing a very unskilful archer shoot, he seated himself by the mark. The reason was _That he may not hit me_. Going to the town of Myndus, and seeing the gates very large, and the town small, he called out _Men of Myndus! shut your gates least the town should escape_. Being asked of what beast the bite is most dangerous, he answered _Of wild beasts, that of a slanderer: of tame, that of a flatterer_. Entering a dirty bath he said _Where are those washed who wash here?_ Being asked what wine he liked best, he said _Another’s_. Crates the Cynic of Thebes, being asked a remedy for love, said _Hunger is one remedy. Time is a better. The best is a rope_. Theophrastus to one who was silent in company said _If you are a fool you do wisely! if you are wise you do foolishly_. Empedocles saying to Xenophanes the philosopher “That a wise man could not be found.” _True_, answered Xenophanes, _for it must be a wise man who knows him_. Archelaus, to a prating barber, who asked how he would please to be shaved? answered, _In silence_. One asking Demosthenes what is the first point in eloquence, he answered, _Acting_. And the second? _Acting._ And the third? _Acting still._ An Athenian who wanted eloquence, but was very brave, when another had, in a long and brilliant speech, promised great affairs, got up and said, _Men of Athens, all that he has said, I will do_. Zeuxis entered into a contest of art with Parrhasius. The former painted grapes so truly that birds came and pecked at them. The latter delineated a cloth so exactly, that Zeuxis coming in, said, “Take away the cloth that we may see this piece.” And finding his error, said, _Parrhasius, thou hast conquered. I deceived but birds, thou an artist_. Zeuxis painted a boy carrying grapes: the birds came again and pecked. Some applauding, Zeuxis flew to the picture in a passion, saying, _My boy must be very ill painted_. Gnathena the courtesan, when a very small bottle of wine was brought in, with the praise that it was very old, answered, _It is very little for its age_. Philip of Macedon, sitting in judgment after dinner, an old woman receiving an unjust sentence, exclaimed, “I appeal.” “To whom!” said Philip. _To Philip, when sober_, answered the matron. The king took the lesson. ROMAN A soldier boasting of a scar in his face, from a wound in battle, Augustus said, _Yes, you will look back when you run away_. Fabia Dollabella saying, she was thirty years of age; Cicero answered, _It must be true, for I have heard it these twenty years_. Seeing Lentulus, his son-in-law, a man of very small stature, walking up, with a long sword at his side, he called out, _Who has tied my son-in-law to that sword?_