Two ladies of high rank, disputing the precedence in a procession, the Emperor, Charles V. desired they would make him their arbiter. Having heard the reasons on both sides, he found no other way to end the difference, than by ordering that the most foolish should go first. After which there were as many disputes who should go last; till they agreed, that each should be foolish in her turn. * * * * * Charles V. going to see the new cloister of the Dominicans at Vienna, overtook a peasant, who was carrying a sucking pig, and whose cries were so disagreeable to the emperor, that, after many expressions of impatience, he said to the peasant, “My friend, do not you know how to silence a sucking pig?” The poor man said modestly, that he really did not, and should be happy to learn. “Take it by the tail,” said the Emperor. The peasant finding this succeed upon trial, turned to the Emperor, and said, _Faith, friend, you must have been longer at the trade than me, for you understand it better_. An answer which furnished repeated laughter to Charles and his court. EPIGRAMS Collections of Mediæval Epigrams are both numerous and lengthy and not infrequently their comparative value depends largely on the translator’s learning or talent. For instance a distich of Plato’s is thus translated by Coleridge, _THE THIEF AND THE SUICIDE_ Jack, finding gold, left a rope on the ground; Bill, missing his gold, used the rope which he found. and is thus rendered by Shelley, A man was about to hang himself, Finding a purse, then threw away his rope; The owner, coming to reclaim his pelf, The halter found and used it. So is Hope Changed for Despair--one laid upon the shelf, We take the other. Under heaven’s high cope Fortune is God--all you endure and do Depends on circumstance as much as you. But the modernization is not just now our pursuit, so the epigrams will be given in something approaching chronological order and the translator’s name mentioned when known. PLATO _THE MISER AND THE MOUSE_ “Thou little rogue, what brings thee to my house?” Said a starv’d miser to a straggling mouse. “Friend,” quoth the mouse, “thou hast no cause to fear; I only _lodge_ with thee, I _eat_ elsewhere.” LUCILLIUS _A MISER’S DREAM_ Flint dream’d he gave a feast, ’twas regal fare, And hang’d himself in ’s sleep in sheer despair. NICARCHUS _THE GREAT CONTENTION_