An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
History
An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
Wit and humor
The emperor Pliny had three sons, to whom he was extremely indulgent.
He wished to dispose of his kingdom, and calling the three into his
presence, spoke thus--“The most slothful of you shall reign after my
decease.” “Then,” answered the elder, “the kingdom must be mine; for
I am so lazy, that sitting once by the fire, I burnt my legs, because
I was too indolent to withdraw them.” The second son observed, “The
kingdom should properly be mine, for if I had a rope round my neck, and
held a sword in my hand, my idleness is such, that I should not put
forth my hand to cut the rope.” “But I,” said the third son, “ought to
be preferred to you both; for I outdo both in indolence. While I lay
upon my bed, water dropped from above upon my eyes; and though, from
the nature of the water, I was in danger of becoming blind, I neither
could nor would turn my head ever so little to the right hand or to
the left.” The emperor, hearing this, bequeathed the kingdom to him,
thinking him the laziest of the three.
_Application_
My beloved, the king is the devil; and the three sons, different
classes of corrupt men.
_OF THE GOOD, WHO ALONE WILL ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN_
There was a wise and rich king who possessed a beloved, but not a
loving wife. She had three illegitimate sons who proved ungrateful
and rebellious to their reputed parent. In due time she brought forth
another son, whose legitimacy was undisputed; and after arriving
at a good old age, he died, and was buried in the royal sepulchre
of his fathers. But the death of the old king caused great strife
amongst his surviving sons, about the right of succession. All of
them advanced a claim, and none would relinquish it to the other; the
three first, presuming upon their priority in birth, and the last upon
his legitimacy. In this strait, they agreed to refer the absolute
decision of their cause to a certain honourable soldier of the late
king. When this person, therefore, heard their difference, he said,
“Follow my advice, and it will greatly benefit you. Draw from its
sepulchre the body of the deceased monarch; prepare, each of you,
a bow and single shaft, and whosoever transfixes the heart of his
father, shall obtain the kingdom.” The counsel was approved, the body
was taken from its repository and bound naked to a tree. The arrow
of the first son wounded the king’s right hand--on which, as if the
contest were determined, they proclaimed him heir to the throne. But
the second arrow went nearer, and entered the mouth; so that he too
considered himself the undoubted lord of the kingdom. However, the
third perforated the heart itself, and consequently imagined that his
claim was fully decided, and his succession sure. It now came to the
turn of the fourth and last son to shoot; but instead of fixing his
shaft to the bow-string, and preparing for the trial, he broke forth
into a lamentable cry, and with eyes swimming in tears, said, “Oh! my
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