An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
History
An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
Wit and humor
_Hamlet._ Let her not walk i’ the sun: conception is a blessing;
but not as your daughter may conceive. Friend, look to’t.
_Polonius._ How say you by that? (_Aside._) Still harping on
my daughter. Yet he knew me not at first; he said I was a fishmonger.
He is far gone, far gone: and truly in my youth I suffered much
extremity for love; very near this. I’ll speak to him again.--What do
you read, my lord?
_Hamlet._ Words, words, words.
_Polonius._ What is the matter, my lord?
_Hamlet._ Between who?
_Polonius._ I mean the matter that you read, my lord.
_Hamlet._ Slanders, sir. For the satirical slave says here, that
old men have gray beards; that their faces are wrinkled; their eyes
purging thick amber or plum-tree gum; and that they have a plentiful
lack of wit, together with weak hams. All of which, sir, though I most
powerfully and potently believe, yet I hold it not honesty to have it
thus set down; for you yourself, sir, shall grow old as I am: if, like
a crab, you could go backward.
_Polonius._ (_Aside._) Though this be madness, yet there is
method in’t.--Will you walk out o’ the air, my lord?
_Hamlet._ Into my grave?
_Polonius._ Indeed, that is out o’ the air. (_Aside._) How
pregnant sometimes his replies are! A happiness that often madness hits
on, which reason and sanity could not so prosperously be delivered of.
I will leave him, and suddenly contrive the means of meeting between
him and my daughter.--My honourable lord, I will most humbly take my
leave of you.
_Hamlet._ You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will more
willingly part withal: except my life, except my life, except my life.
_Polonius._ Fare you well, my lord.
_Hamlet._ These tedious old fools!
_FROM AS YOU LIKE IT_
ROSALIND _and_ ORLANDO
_Rosalind._ (_Aside._) I will speak to him like a saucy lackey, and
under that habit play the knave with him.--Do you hear, forester?
_Orlando._ Very well: what would you?
_Rosalind._ I pray you, what is’t o’clock?
_Orlando._ You should ask me, what time o’ day: there’s no clock
in the forest.
_Rosalind._ Then there is no true lover in the forest; else
sighing every minute, and groaning every hour, would detect the lazy
foot of Time as well as a clock.
_Orlando._ And why not the swift foot of Time? Had not that been
as proper?
_Rosalind._ By no means, sir. Time travels in divers paces with
divers persons. I’ll tell you, who Time ambles withal, who Time trots
withal, who Time gallops withal, and who he stands still withal.
_Orlando._ I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
_Rosalind._ Marry, he trots hard with a young maid, between the
contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnised: if the interim
be but a se’nnight, Time’s pace is so hard that it seems the length of
seven years.
_Orlando._ Who ambles Time withal?
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