“And I because I saw the fellow had a large following.” (The last man
who spoke was a fashionable.)
“He is a mere charlatan.”
The prophet kept marching on. But when he reached the plateau, from
which a wide horizon spread before him, he turned back, and saw no one
but a poor Israelite, to whom he might have said as the Prince de Ligne
to the wretched little bandy-legged drummer boy, whom he found on the
spot where he expected to see a whole garrison awaiting him: “Well, my
readers, it seems that you have dwindled down to one.”
Thou man of God who has followed me so far—I hope that a short
recapitulation will not terrify thee, and I have traveled on under the
impression that thou, like me, hast kept saying to thyself, “Where the
deuce are we going?”
Well, well, this is the place and the time to ask you, respected
reader, what your opinion is with regard to the renewal of the tobacco
monopoly, and what you think of the exorbitant taxes on wines, on the
right to carry firearms, on gaming, on lotteries, on playing cards, on
brandy, on soap, cotton, silks, etc.
“I think that since all these duties make up one-third of the public
revenues, we should be seriously embarrassed if—”
So that, my excellent model husband, if no one got drunk, or gambled,
or smoked, or hunted, in a word if we had neither vices, passions, nor
maladies in France, the State would be within an ace of bankruptcy; for
it seems that the capital of our national income consists of popular
corruptions, as our commerce is kept alive by national luxury. If you
cared to look a little closer into the matter you would see that all
taxes are based upon some moral malady. As a matter of fact, if we
continue this philosophical scrutiny it will appear that the gendarmes
would want horses and leather breeches, if every one kept the peace,
and if there were neither foes nor idle people in the world. Therefore
impose virtue on mankind! Well, I consider that there are more
parallels than people think between my honest woman and the budget, and
I will undertake to prove this by a short essay on statistics, if you
will permit me to finish my book on the same lines as those on which I
have begun it. Will you grant that a lover must put on more clean
shirts than are worn by either a husband, or a celibate unattached?
This to me seems beyond doubt. The difference between a husband and a
lover is seen even in the appearance of their toilette. The one is
careless, he is unshaved, and the other never appears excepting in full
dress. Sterne has pleasantly remarked that the account book of the
laundress was the most authentic record he knew, as to the life of
Tristram Shandy; and that it was easy to guess from the number of
shirts he wore what passages of his book had cost him most. Well, with
regard to lovers the account book of their laundresses is the most
faithful historic record as well as the most impartial account of their
various amours. And really a prodigious quantity of tippets, cravats,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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