Says Corcotta Porcellus: “If ever I have done thee any wrong, if I have sinned in any way, if I have smashed any wee pots with my feet, O Master Cook, grant pardon to thy suppliant!” Says the cook Magirus: “Halloo, boy! go bring me a carving-knife out of the kitchen, that I may make a bloody Porcellus of him.” Porcellus is caught by the servants, and brought out to execution on the xvi before the Lucernine Kalends, just when young colewort sprouts are in plenty, Clybaratus and Piperatus being Consuls. Now when he saw that he was about to die, he begged hard of the cook an hour’s grace, just to write his will. He called together his relations, that he might leave them some of his victuals; and he said: “I will and bequeath to my papa, Verrinus Lardinus, 30 bush. of acorns. “I will and bequeath to my mamma, Veturina Scrofa, 40 bush. of Laconian corn. “I will and bequeath to my sister, Quirona, at whose nuptials I may not be present, 30 bush. of barley. “Of my mortal remains, I will and bequeath my bristles to the cobblers, my teeth to squabblers, my ears to the deaf, my tongue to lawyers and chatterboxes, my entrails to tripemen, my hams to gluttons, my stomach to little boys, my tail to little girls, my muscles to effeminate parties, my heels to runners and hunters, my claws to thieves; and, to a certain cook, whom I won’t mention by name, I bequeath the cord and stick which I brought with me from my oak grove to the sty, in hopes that he may take the cord and hang himself with it. “I will that a monument be erected to me, inscribed with this, in golden letters: “M. GRUNNIUS CORCOTTA PORCELLUS, who lived 999 years,--six months more, and he would have been 1000 years old. “Friends dear to me whilst I lived, I pray you to have a kindness towards my body, and embalm it well with good condiments, such as almonds, pepper and honey, that my name may be named through ages to come. “O my masters and my comrades, who have assisted at the drawing up of this testament, order it to be signed. (Signed) LUCANICUS. PERGILLUS. MYSTIALICUS. CELSANUS. LARDIO. OFFELLICUS. CYMATUS.” WILLS OF THE EARL OF MELLENT AND OTHERS (1118) Robert, the famous Earl of Mellent and Leicester, one of the early crusaders in the Holy Land, died in 1118, in the abbey of Preaux, where his body was buried; but his heart, by his own order, was conveyed to the hospital at Brackley, to be there preserved in salt. Isabella, daughter of William E. Marshall, Earl of Pembroke, who died at Berkhampstead in 1239, ordered her heart to be sent in a silver cup to her brother, then Abbot of Tewkesbury, to be there buried before the high altar. The heart of John Baliol, Lord of Barnard Castle, who died in 1269, was, by his widow’s desire, enclosed in an ivory casket, richly enamelled with silver. There are many bequests of hearts on record other than the above. WILL OF SALADIN (1193)