AS EVER “Since the war began women have been taking the places of the men on the Paris street-cars.” “Well, they’d do it here, but the men are too ill-mannered to get up.” AN OLD JOKE WORKED OVER A school teacher recently gave his pupils a lecture on patriotism. He pointed out the high motives which moved the Territorials to leave their homes and fight for their country. The school teacher noticed that one boy did not pay attention to the instruction, and as a test question he asked him: “What motives took the Territorials to the war?” The boy was puzzled for a moment, then, remembering the public “send-off” to the local regiment at the railway station, he replied: “Locomotives, sir.” REASONABLE PREJUDICE Softly the nurse smoothed the sufferer’s pillow. He had only been admitted that morning, and now he looked pleadingly up at the “ministering angel” who stood at his bedside. “An’ phwat did yez say the docthor’s name was, nurse, dear?” he asked. “Dr. Kilpatrick,” was the reply. “He’s the senior house surgeon.” The sufferer winced, and pulled a wry face. “That settles it,” he muttered, firmly. “That docthor won’t get no chance to operate on me.” “Why not?” asked the nurse, in surprise. “He’s a very clever man.” “That’s as may be,” the patient said again, his voice cold and strong. “But me name happens to be Patrick.” WAR’S UNKNOWN HEROES Some men, dressed in civilian clothes, gathered together in the smoking-room of the hotel, discussing the joys and sorrows of life at the Front. “Well, I’ve been with the Army and had a very interesting time,” said one. “Ever got really alone with the enemy?” asked another. “Rather! I once took two of their officers.” “Unaided?” “Of course! And the very next day I took eight men!” “All wounded, I expect,” sneered a listener. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?” “Just a slight scratch, that’s all. And two days after I took a transport wagon, and followed up that by taking a big gun.” “Sir,” said a disagreeable auditor, “I have seen some of the finest specimens of anything you can call to mind, but I wish to state that you are the biggest romancer that ever trod this earth.” “Oh no, I am not that,” replied the hero; “but I am a photographer!” THE RETORT JUVENILE A well-informed miss of fourteen inquired of her brother, “What would you say if you met a German lady and she said, ‘Good morning, God punish England’?” The boy quickly replied, “I’d say, ‘Don’t you think you’re very Hun-ladylike?’” JUST TWO SHOTS APIECE They are telling a story in Switzerland about what would happen if the Kaiser violated Swiss, as he has already violated Belgian, neutrality. The Kaiser was amazed at a Swiss drill by the shooting of the Switzers, who all scored bull’s-eyes. “Wonderful shots!” said the Kaiser to a Swiss general. “Wonderful shots!” “And we have, your Majesty, 100,000 such shots in the Swiss army,” the general answered. The Kaiser laughed, and in a joking way he said: