It is interesting to note that ever since Germany began to make preparations for a great war the Kaiser has been investing immense sums of money on the other side of the Atlantic. He is one of the largest landowners in the Western United States—not in his own name, of course—and owns a considerable section of property in the West of Canada. So notorious is the fact that it was at one time a standing joke at Vancouver that, although the Kaiser was a large owner of property in a certain district, he declined to join the local ratepayers’ association, which would have been materially assisted in its propaganda by the use of his name. SOMETHING REPOSEFUL Soldiers were called for, owing to the scarcity of civilians, to work the railway. The weary “Tommies” were lying in camp one night after a hard day’s work, when a sergeant called out: “Any of you men want to put your names down as railway porters, drivers, stokers, half-boiled clerks, or for any other appointments connected with the railway?” Silence, broken only by snores. Then one “Tommy” slowly raised his head and drowsily muttered: “Put me down as a sleeper, sergeant.” ENOUGH IS TOO MUCH “Are you going to the Wallerby reception tonight?” “No. The Twobbles will be there, so I declined my invitation.” “Why do you object to the presence of the Twobbles?” “I don’t object to their presence particularly, but I have already heard them tell the story of their escape from Berlin ten or twelve times, and I don’t feel equal to another recital.” TELLING HIM ALL ABOUT IT The recruits were going through their first course of musketry, and they were in charge of a full-blown second lieutenant, who was trying to show his authority, together with his great knowledge of musketry. Sauntering up to the latest recruit, he said:— “See here, my man, this thing is a rifle; this is the barrel, this is the butt, and this is where you put the cartridge in.” The recruit seemed to be taking it all in, so the officer, continuing, said:— “You put the weapon to your shoulder; these little things on the barrel are called sights; then to fire you pull this little thing, which is called the trigger. Now smarten yourself up, and remember what I have told you, and, by the way, what trade did you follow before you enlisted?—a collier, I suppose.” “No, sir,” came the reply. “I only worked as a gunsmith for the Government Small Arms Factory.” THE ENGLISH LIKE THIS KIND A little boy received a toy donkey as a birthday present. “What are you going to call it?” asked his father. “King George,” replied the boy. “Oh, no,” said his father, “that would never do. That would be an insult to the King. Why not call it the Kaiser?” “Because,” said the little boy, indignantly, “that would be an insult to my donkey.” GAVE IT AWAY A Scottish Territorial was having his first experience of night duty, and was feeling a little nervous. The password was “Discount.”