“Well, then, where is it?” demanded the instructor. “Please, sir,” he faltered, “it’s gone to the laundry.” SUPERIOR MARKSMANSHIP Pat was a witty young recruit, who was taking instruction in marksmanship. The squad had finished firing. Pat was brought to task for his poor shooting, and told that he must do better at the next distance; there were to be seven rounds of quick firing. “Now, Pat,” the sergeant told him, “fire at target number five.” Pat banged away, and hit target number four seven times in succession. “What target did you aim at?” asked the irate officer. “Number five sor,” answered Pat. “And you have hit number four every time.” “Bedad, sor,” retorted Pat, “that would be a grand thing in war. Sure, I might aim at a private and hit a gin’ral!” NOT A THIRST IN THE LOT A soldier, charged with being drunk and disorderly, mentioned, in extenuation of his offense, the fact that he had been compelled to travel up from camp in very bad company. “What sort of company?” asked the magistrate. “A lot of teetotallers!” was the startling response. “Do you mean to say teetotallers are bad company?” thundered the magistrate. “I think they are the best company for such as you!” “Beggin’ your pardon, sor,” answered the prisoner, “ye’re wrong, for I had a bottle of whisky and I had to drink it all mesel’.” HIS SKIRTS CLEAR A sturdy little Lancashire lad went to a recruiting station to enlist. He was much disappointed when the officer told him he was too small and too young. “Can’t you find me some job in th’ army what I am big enough for?” anxiously asked the lad. “No, I can’t, I’m sorry to say,” replied the officer. As the lad turned sorrowfully away he said: “Well, don’t blame me if th’ bloomin’ Germans lick o’ t’ lot on yo’; that’s all!” SHEEP AND GOATS Life in the new Army teaches a man to look after himself. This is especially true of the larger camps, and the rule appears to be that “they shall take who have the power and they shall keep who can.” A story illustrative of this is told of one of the Yorkshire regiments now in training. The cold weather had led some of the men to forage for extra blankets one night, and when next morning they were warned that the colonel was coming round for kit inspection they were too busy cleaning and preparing to put matters right again. The result was that when the men paraded some of them had three or four blankets while others had no blanket at all. The colonel noticed this in his inspection, but said no word until he had been wholly round. Then, drawing himself up in front of the men, he thundered:— “Ahem, major, one-half the regiment are simple fools, and the other half are bloomin’ thieves.” JOGGING HIS MEMORY