“Well, sir,” says the Canadian, “that there shell drops in on us and when it don’t explode at once I judge it is pretty safe not to go off at all. So I just set where I am. The cursed luck of it is that I’ve been playin’ away here all morning’ drawin’ rotten cards and losin’ my shirt, and here just as I holds the first four of a kind that’s gladdened my two eyes since Hector was a pup—and kings at that, sir—at that identical moment there comes this pifflin’ German turnip and the other fellows beats it.” HOW HE TOOK HIS English men-of-war have no ice-making machines on board, as do our ships, and everybody knows how the English fail to understand us on the subject of the use of ice, especially in our drinks. An English officer was aboard one of our ships of the Asiatic fleet, and, on being served with an iced drink, commented on the delights of having cool water aboard. The American officer responded with an offer of a small cake of ice, which was sent the following morning. Meeting the Englishman ashore a week later, the American asked him if he had enjoyed the ice. “Enjoy it, old top? Why, do you know, that was the first cold bawth I’ve had since I left England!” WILLING TO OBLIGE A recruit very anxious to join Kitchener’s Army enters recruiting station determined to accommodate himself to any condition required. Officer (filling in form)—“What’s your religion?” Zealous Recruit—“Well, what are you short of?” CAUSE FOR PREJUDICE “Why are you for the Allies?” a friend asked a solemn-looking neutral, who looked as if there had been much suffering in his life. “Is it because you abhor Prussian militarism?” “No.” “Is it that you fear Germany’s desire to expand, to absorb foreign lands? Is it that you dislike the German character?” “No,” replied the solemn-looking individual. “Well, why are you for the Allies?” “Because,” said the other, with a pensive air, “I once ate some sauerkraut.” SELF-BETRAYED A sentry was giving close attention to his post in the neighborhood of a British army camp in England, challenging returning stragglers late after dark. The following is reported as an incident of his vigil: “Who goes there?” called the sentry at the sound of approaching footsteps. “Coldstream Guards!” was the response. “Pass, Coldstream Guards!” rejoined the sentry. “Who goes there?” again challenged the sentry. “Forty-ninth Highlanders!” returned the unseen pedestrian. “Pass, Forty-ninth Highlanders!” “Who goes there?” sounded a third challenge. “None of your d——n business!” was the husky reply. “Pass, Canadians!” acquiesced the sentry. BRITISH HUMOR The crew of the Harpalion, one of the British ships torpedoed off Beachy Head, arrived in London yesterday. Mr. S. Harper, the second officer, describing the experiences of the crew, said the ship was sailing down the Channel at the rate of about eleven and a half knots.