“‘There’s a law agin’ treatin’, was the reply, ‘and pretty near the whole world is at war.’ “‘Just think,’ he said. ‘Just think of a no-treatin’ law havin’ sech an effect as that.’” NO ROSE WITHOUT ITS THORN The wounded soldier had reached home and was just out of a long delirium. “Where am I?” he said, feebly, as he felt the loving hands making him comfortable. “Where am I? In heaven?” “No, dear,” cooed his devoted wife. “I am still with you.” A GOOD COME-BACK, BILL A chaplain in the navy enjoys telling of his endeavors to induce a marine to give up the use of tobacco. During a talk that ensued between the two, the chaplain said:— “After all, Bill, you must reflect that in all creation there is not to be found any animal except man that smokes.” The marine sniffed. “Yes,” he agreed, “and you won’t find, either, any other animal in all creation that cooks its food, or wears clothes.” ON THE SAFE SIDE Zealous Sentry—“Afraid I can’t let you go by without the password, sir.” Irate Officer—“But, confound you! I tell you I have forgotten it. You know me well enough. I’m Major Jones.” Sentry—“Can’t help it, sir; must have the password.” Voice from the Guard-Tent—“Oh, don’t stand arguing all night, Bill; shoot ’im.” COULDN’T BE DONE The English official had been telling the old Scottish farmer what he must do in the case of a German invasion on the East Coast of Scotland. “An’ hiv I reely tae dae this wi’ a’ ma beesties gin the Germans come?” asked the old fellow at the finish. The official informed him that such was the law, “All live stock of every description must be branded and driven inland.” “Dearie me!” gasped the farmer, in dismay. “I’m thinking I’ll hae an awful; ob wi’ ma bees!” ON THE FIRING LINE A stranger became one of a group of listeners to a veteran of many battles. The veteran had about concluded a vividly colored narrative of a furious battle, in which he had taken part. “Just think of it,” exclaimed one of the party, turning to the stranger. “How would you like to stand with shells bursting all around you?” “I have been there,” responded the newcomer. “What? Have you, too, been a soldier?” “No,” answered the stranger. “I am an actor.” A MATTER OF TRADE Outside one of the recruiting depots in a large town a sergeant saw a smart young milkman, and, thinking to get a fresh recruit, said: “Young man, would you like to serve the King?” “Rather!” said the milkman, eagerly. “How many quarts does he want?” NOT LIKELY Two Irishmen were walking into Dublin from one of the outlying villages, and fell to discussing the war and the consequent increase in the cost of living. “But have ye heard the latest news?” says Tim. “No,” says Pat. “Phwat is it?” “There’s a penny off the loaf.” “Bedad,” says Phat, “I hope it’s off the penny ones.” IMPORTANT POSTSCRIPT