Every feature's lost, Screw'd horrible, unhumaniz'd--On stage Of quack itinerant thus have I seen An Andrew wring the muscles of his face, Deforming nature, and extort the grin And wonder of the many-headed crowd. He spoke; when strait a loud applauding noise Ensues: the clap of hands and thump of feet Commingling. Knuckles on the table's verge With fury beating, and the sound of sticks Junctive confirm the rattle of applause. Tremble the pewter vases, and within The fluid fluctuates. The surging pipes Roll from their beds of tin. The wooden plain Is strew'd on all sides with the clatt'ring ruin. Lo! now another of theatric mould "Rises in clouded majesty," yclep'd Ranter. Forth issue from his steaming mouth These long imprisoned Alps of tow'ring smoke, "Riding upon the bosom of the air." Him had his inauspicious cruel stars Destin'd to oil, to dress the flowing curl, And with nice hand to weave the yielding hair. But each revolving, rising, setting sun Beheld this hero looking on his trade With eyes indignant. His exalted soul Launch'd 'yond the limits of his narrow sphere. Fraught with extended notions of the stage, His ample-daring mind the drama's laws Sole entertain'd--The tonsor now assumes The part of Richard, and with awkward strut Affects majestic air.--So at the wake Roger begins the dance, but, wanting skill, Betrays himself unequal to the task. Thy graceful periods, so oft admir'd, Divine inspir'd Shakspeare! on his tongue Imperfect die away. His labour'd speech Sounds gutt'ral, like the hoarsely croaking race Upon the banks of some pellucid stream. Scarce had he finish'd, when salutes his ears The mingled noise upon the dusty floor Reverberated. Down the shaver sits Well-pleas'd. And next upstarts Hibernia's son, Like some enthusiast on a tripod rais'd With apish gesture, and with strange grimace, To rant unto the multitude. The cork Intruded swift into the candle's blaze Is nigrified, and marks th'aspiring youth With whiskers bold. Ferocity now darts From either eye her broad unmeaning stare; In Bajazet he raves, and low'ring bids Defiance. 'Yond just Nature's ample pow'r He rants elaborate. His roaring voice Calls echo forth respondent. On the mart Of fishy Billingsgate thus have I heard A harsh lung-cracking noise, nor yet to this Dissimilar. He ended; but the tribe Withhold the grasp'd-at banners of applause. Then down he sits, with woeful aspect dull. But strait emerging from a sea of thought, He swallows hasty the salubrious stream, And re-inthrones his abdicated soul. Bronzoides next his meteor lays down Igniferous. Him had his parents sent To London (seat of business)--there the laws