"Hats are now worn, upon an average, six inches and three fifths broad in the brim, and cocked between Quaker and Kevenhuller. Some have their Hats open before, like a church-spout, or the tin scale they weigh flower in: some wear them rather sharper, like the nose of a greyhound; and we can distinguish by the taste of the Hat, the mode of the wearer's mind. There is the military cock, and the mercantile cock; and while the beaux of St. James's wear their Hats under their arms, the beaux of Moorfields-mall wear their's diagonally over their left or right eye. "Sailors wear the sides of their Hats uniformly, tacked down to the crown; and look as if they carried a triangular apple-pasty upon their heads. "I hope no person will think us disaffected; but when we meet any of the new-raised infantry wearing the buttons of their Hats bluff before, and the trefoil white worsted shaking as they step, we cannot help thinking of French figure-dancers. "With the Quakers, it is a point of their faith not to wear a button, or loop tight up; their Hats spread over their heads like a pent-house, and darken the outward man, to signify they have the inward light. "Some wear their Hats (with the corner that should come over their foreheads in a direct line) pointed into the air; those are the Gawkies. "Others do not above half cover their heads, which is indeed owing to the shallowness of their crowns; but between beaver and eye-brows expose a piece of blank forehead, which looks like a sandy road in a surveyor's plan. Indeed, people should hide as much of the face under their Hats as possible; for very few there are but what have done something for which they ought to be out of countenance. "I remember at a droll society established in Dublin, called 'The Court of Nassau,' a gentleman was indicted for wearing his Hat in the Court: the Attorney-general moved, in favour of the defendant, that the indictment was falsely laid; for in it was expressed, the gentleman had his Hat upon his head; and the Attorney proved his client not to have a head. Now if, in London, no persons were to wear Hats but such as have heads, what would become of the hatters? Yet this we may safely avow, that a man may shew by his Hat whether he has a head; or at least by the decorating it, whether his head is properly furnished. A gold button and loop to a plain Hat distinguishes a person to be a little lunatic; a gold band round it shews the owner to be very dangerously infected; and, if a tassel is added, the patient is incurable. "A man with a Hat larger than common, represents the fable of the Mountain in labour; and the Hats edged round with a gold binding, belong to brothers of the Turf. "_Second Chapter. Upon Wigs._