To the scorn of vice, the scoffs of ignorance, the usurpations of the
presuming, and the contumelies of the proud, I have patiently
submitted: but to find my great and as I thought infallible support
wrested from me; to perceive that divine essence which I imagined too
much a part of myself to do me wrong, overlooking me; rejecting me;
dead to those sensations which I thought mutually pervaded and filled
our hearts; to hear her, whom of all beings on earth I thought myself
most akin to, disclaim me; positively, persisting, un--
Unjustly?--Was that the word, Frank?--Surely not unjustly!--Oh, surely
not!
And could those heavenly those heart-winning condescensions on which I
founded my hopes be all illusory?--Could they?--Did I dream that your
soul held willing intercourse with mine, beaming divine intelligence
upon me? Was it all a vision when I thought I heard you pronounce the
ecstatic sentence--_You could love me if I would let you?_
No; it was real. I revoke nothing that I have said or done. Do not,
Frank, for the love of truth and justice do not think me insensible of
your excellence, dead to your virtues, or blind to mind and merit which
I never yet saw equalled!--Think not it is pride, or base insensibility
of your worth! Where is the day in which that worth has not increased
upon me?--Unjust to you?--Oh!--No, no, no!--My heart bleeds at the
thought!--No!--It is my love of you, my love of your virtues, your
principles, and these alone are lovely, which has rendered me thus
inflexible. If any thing could make you dearer to me than you are, it
must be weakness; it must be something which neither you nor I ought to
approve. All the good, or rather all the opportunities of doing good
which mortal or immortal being can enjoy do I wish you! Oh that I had
prayers potent enough to draw down blessings on you!--Love
you?--Yes!--The very idea bursts into passion. [The tears, Louisa, were
streaming down my cheeks.] Why should you doubt of all the affection
which virtue can bestow? Do you not deserve it?--Oh yes!--Love you in
the manner you could wish I must not, dare not, ought not: but, as I
ought, I love you infinitely! Ay, dear, dear Frank, as I ought,
infinitely!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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